Updated: February 12, 2021
Originally Published: November 12, 2015
In the stillness of the night, my partner, Jake, stood in the kitchen, exasperation written all over his face as he clumsily handled a bag of breast milk. “Is this what being a parent is like? This is awful!” he lamented. Meanwhile, I sat in my mesh underwear, tears streaming down my face, grappling with the aftermath of an emergency C-section and the challenges of breastfeeding. The baby wailed, and we were both running on fumes after two sleepless nights. I had lost track of whether I was crying or just feeling numb, wandering around the house in a daze, overwhelmed by the unending cycle of pumping, feeding, and changing our one-week-old.
My physical discomfort was compounded by a fever that my OB didn’t seem to take seriously. A heavy sense of despair settled over us. “I suppose this is parenthood,” we concluded, feeling as though everyone else was in on a joke as they posted cheerful pictures of their children on social media. For us, the reality of new parenthood was a grueling blend of pain, exhaustion, and anxiety.
Eventually, this challenging phase passed. Our newborn is now a lively five-year-old in kindergarten. However, reflecting back, I realize that a significant part of our distress stemmed from the uncertainty of how long the difficult newborn stage would last. We mistakenly believed that the relentless demands of our one-week-old would persist indefinitely, leading us to feel hopeless.
Each day brought new challenges: pain from the C-section, struggles with nursing, and the endless diaper changes. My husband jokingly referred to this harrowing period as Antietam, after the Civil War’s bloodiest battle. It lasted for three long months until our baby began sleeping longer stretches, my wounds healed, and our spirits lifted.
What I wish I had known then is that improvements come in two-week increments. This insight made the arrival of our second child far easier; we were aware of how long each stage would last—even the daunting tasks, such as cleaning the umbilical cord. Before our second baby arrived, I mentally prepared myself for those initial days and weeks. I reminded myself that the pain of the C-section would subside after two weeks and that nursing difficulties typically eased after three or four weeks. I knew that around the eight-week mark, we would all start feeling much better, and by 10 to 12 weeks, our baby would be more stable and less fragile. If we were lucky, the sleep patterns would improve by week fourteen.
In those early days with our second child, I repeated my self-encouragement: “It will get easier after two weeks.” During the tough moments of nursing, I reassured myself to hold on until week four, with an option to stop if it was still too difficult. Those painful nighttime disruptions were still challenging, but knowing that longer sleep stretches were on the horizon provided some solace. Although the early days felt like they dragged on endlessly, just reminding myself that every phase has an end made the experience with our second child significantly more manageable.
Before giving birth to her second child, my close friend, Sarah, even scheduled an email to be sent to herself at the two-week mark—what she had identified as the most challenging point. In her message, she reminded herself that this was the lowest point and that things would only improve from there.
So, if you’re in the trenches with a newborn, I hope you find comfort in knowing that things do get better in two-week increments. It becomes a little easier at two weeks, then four weeks, and so on through six, eight, ten, and twelve. (I don’t mean to downplay your feelings—if you’re experiencing despair, anxiety, or overwhelming sadness, please reach out to your OB immediately.) But for the usual struggles of new parenthood, there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. This phase will pass—in just about two weeks.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this resource on at-home insemination kits or explore 15 of the best wooden toys for toddlers to engage your little one. Additionally, Genetics and IVF Institute offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the newborn stage can be overwhelming, filled with pain, anxiety, and exhaustion. The author shares personal experiences and insights, emphasizing that improvements come in two-week increments. Knowing that each stage has an end can provide comfort amidst the struggles. For parents feeling lost, reaching out for support is crucial. There is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.