We’ve all been there: you find yourself with a rare free morning and decide to tackle that never-ending to-do list. First on the agenda? A trip to the local discount warehouse for a new set of tires, all while wrangling two young children. This adventure is not for the faint-hearted, but with this guide, you’ll learn how to navigate Costco with kids in tow.
Here’s how to survive:
- Convince yourself that picking up new tires at Costco is an excellent plan.
- Choose a Friday morning, when the entire city seems to have the same idea.
- Decide that bringing along your energetic 2½-year-old and your 7-month-old is a wise choice.
- Notice the tire shop line is five people deep and think, “No problem; I can handle this.”
- Realize that you have no snacks, coloring books, or toys to keep the kids entertained.
- Do nothing to remedy this situation.
- Initiate a game of hide-and-seek in the tire stacks. It’s safe, right?
- Start a “race” among the tires, hoping to tire out your toddler.
- Attempt to have your toddler sit quietly on the floor.
- Fail spectacularly.
- Pull out a pen from your purse and instruct your toddler to draw “anything.”
- Chase after your toddler as he tries to escape.
- Catch him just in time, grabbing his shirt.
- Comfort the now-wailing toddler.
- Attend to your baby, whom you nearly forgot in the chaos.
- Apologize to your baby, saying, “Mama loves you!”
- Chase after the escape artist again.
- Ponder the merits of purchasing a leash.
- Join the other patrons in line, commiserating silently.
- Secretly hope someone will let you cut ahead.
- Regain composure after an older gentleman asks to cut in front of you.
- Reflect on whether saying no makes you a bad person.
- Politely decline, pointing to your toddler and baby as evidence.
- Avoid the man’s gaze for the next 25 minutes.
- Worry that he might harbor resentment against you.
- Sigh in frustration as you chase after your toddler, vowing to stop seeking approval from others.
- Intervene when your toddler climbs a ladder.
- Stop him from standing on a cart while yelling “Yeehaw!”
- Breathe a sigh of relief as you approach the register.
- Let your toddler play with the tire department’s assortment of colored markers.
- Wonder why you didn’t come to the register sooner.
- Receive a three-hour estimated wait time.
- Decide that spending another three hours here is unwise.
- Leave the tire center empty-handed, no new tires in sight.
- Experience a moment of disbelief as you drag two children over to the main Costco area.
- Observe your toddler shouting “Grapes! Grapes! Grapes!” after denying him a four-pound bag.
- Relent and let him hold the grapes.
- Take a detour through the alcohol aisle.
- Contemplate the saying, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
- Treat yourself to a nice bottle of chardonnay, promising to stick to your own time zone.
- Sample No. 1: Ravioli!
- Resist buying any discount books, patting yourself on the back for supporting independent bookstores instead.
- Listen to your toddler scream “Pajamaaaaass!” when you refuse to let him wear his new PJs in the store.
- Sample No. 2: Salad!
- Watch as tears stream down your toddler’s face.
- Accept the disapproving looks from strangers as Ms. Denier-of-All-Things-Happy.
- Praise the heavens for sample No. 3: Coffee!
- Navigate to the checkout line, hoping to have chosen the shortest one.
- Feel your heart drop as your toddler yells “Potty!”
- Sprint in the general direction of the restrooms.
- Notice a chain-link fence blocking your path.
- Remember your youthful days of fence-hopping.
- Rush with the baby in the carrier and toddler in your arms around the fence.
- Completely miss that your toddler is now peeing on you as you run.
- Set your toddler on the toilet, facing you.
- Feel a wet sensation on your hip and realize the source.
- Scream in horror as your toddler decides to let loose all over your knees.
- Allow him to wear the pajamas you initially denied him.
- Celebrate with a fist pump—you’re almost done.
- Imagine the Instagram potential: two brothers in one cart!
- Strap the baby into the cart while your toddler bolts in the opposite direction.
- Stand frozen in shock as he ignores your calls to stop.
- Watch helplessly as he speeds away.
- Abandon your cart—food and purse included—to chase after him.
- Foolishly believe you can catch him.
- Realize you can’t and vow to hit the gym soon.
- See your toddler round a corner.
- Whisper to yourself, “I don’t get paid enough for this.”
- Return to your cart only to find an elderly lady pushing it forward.
- Hope she’s not trying to steal your child.
- Say, “Um, thank you?” nervously.
- Strap your wailing toddler into the cart beside the baby.
- Yell “Gentle!” as your older son instigates a wrestling match.
- Secure your place in line once more.
- Forget to take that Instagram moment.
- Gawk at your bill for all the items you didn’t plan on purchasing, wondering how a simple tire run turned into this.
In the end, remember that parenting is an emotional rollercoaster, and you can find more on this topic at Emotional Rollercoaster. For those looking for resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out Rmany, and if you’re interested in boosting fertility, don’t miss our post on how to enhance your chances.
Summary:
This guide humorously outlines the challenges of navigating a Costco trip with young children, from the moment of decision to the chaotic experience of shopping and the unexpected outcomes. It highlights the joys and frustrations of parenting, emphasizing the importance of patience and humor in daily life.