There’s a prevailing belief among some that once a romantic relationship concludes, all ties should be severed. To them, the idea of sharing a meal with an ex a decade later seems utterly ridiculous. Fortunately, I don’t share that perspective.
During my single years, I was quite active in the dating scene. I wasn’t one to rely on blind dates, but one day a friend of mine set me up with a psychiatrist. He was charming and appeared to have his life together, but he held a firm belief that men and women couldn’t just be friends. On our first outing to a high-end restaurant, he declared he could never date a woman who remained friends with her exes. At that moment, I nearly choked on my shrimp and spilled my wine. Thank goodness I had a spare drink in my bag.
I couldn’t help but express to him that I wouldn’t want to be with someone so insecure that they couldn’t accept my friendships with past partners. This led to a heated debate about the nature of male-female friendships, and he eventually resorted to flaunting his Ph.D. credentials to back up his claims. I’m pretty sure I left a lasting impression at the hostess stand.
Though my days of being single are behind me, the connections I forged with my past partners are stronger than ever. Those men have become fathers and husbands, and I can genuinely say I appreciate their wives, who have embraced our unique relationships. It’s important to understand that just because a romantic relationship didn’t last doesn’t mean the friendship has to end. When you invest significant time in someone, they often transition into friends—sometimes even best friends—so why should that stop?
Recently, I hosted a community event where I invited many of my local supporters, including ex-boyfriends and their wives. It was an incredibly special day, filled with laughter and warmth. At one point, two of my exes arrived just as my husband walked in. The atmosphere was electric, and we all shared a hearty laugh at my expense. While I chatted with their wives, one of them remarked, “It says a lot about you that they would come.” Another chimed in, calling me the ‘cool ex-girlfriend,’ which made my heart swell.
When I returned home that evening, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Not only did my former partners come to support me, but their wives also offered me the priceless gift of friendship. They had no obligation to welcome me, yet they did so with open arms, honoring my bond with their husbands. It was a profoundly touching experience.
My husband and I share a friendship that spans over 25 years. We were once platonic roommates while I was dating one of these men, and we first met during my relationship with his best friend. I’ve always been transparent with my husband about my past, and he respects how meaningful these friendships are to me. He genuinely encourages their continuation.
I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have such trustworthy individuals in my life—people who recognize the purity of my intentions. As we age, we discover who our true friends are, and sometimes they come from unexpected places. I’m thrilled to have added some wonderful women to my circle, and I look forward to nurturing those connections. As for that blind date gone wrong, he’s probably still out there, searching for a partner who fits his narrow views, but at least he paid for dinner and didn’t follow up—some friendships simply aren’t worth maintaining.
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In summary, maintaining friendships with exes can enrich our lives, allowing us to embrace supportive relationships that transcend the past. These connections can lead to unexpected joys and camaraderie, proving that love can evolve into lasting friendships.