Menu: Parenting
What’s the Ideal Age?
By Lisa Johnson
Updated: July 31, 2016
Originally Published: November 1, 2015
Image credit: Annette Shaff / Shutterstock
I vividly recall a moment from one of my early teaching positions. In my early 20s, I was new to the school and juggling the responsibilities of being engaged, a homeowner, and a sixth-grade teacher on Halloween. My classroom was filled with imaginative costumes, from Bart Simpsons to inflatable wrestlers, and I was tasked with judging the costume contest. Yet, amidst the excitement, I was parched.
As is common at middle school events, parent volunteers were present, trying to remain inconspicuous to their teenagers. When I approached the “teacher” drink station for a refreshing beverage, I was caught off guard by a voice: “Those are for the teachers.” It belonged to a child’s father.
“Oh. Um.” Those were the only words I could muster, taken aback by this unfamiliar parent. After a brief pause, I extended my hand for an introduction, only to hear the all-too-familiar line: “Sorry. You look so young. I thought you were one of the kids.”
Initially, I didn’t perceive it as an insult. In fact, during those early career years, I interpreted it as a compliment. I looked youthful, and I took pride in that. The wrinkles that now frame my eyes were yet to appear, and thanks to my good genes, I still have only a few stray grays.
However, this remark continued throughout my 30s, and my perception shifted as I transitioned into new roles. Hearing “You’re so young to be a principal” at 35 carried a different weight. It insinuated a lack of readiness and experience, leaving some parents to consider whether to voice their concerns to me or escalate them. I often found myself wishing for a bit of that elusive gray hair.
Colleagues and mentors would say I was “wise beyond my years,” which I initially took to mean that I presented maturity and competence despite my age. It was a compliment, yet it raised questions: At what point will my age align with my wisdom? Is true wisdom only achieved in the later years of life?
Now, at 38, I’ve made an unexpected decision. In June, I left my job, something I never envisioned doing at my age. After three years of late-night emails and missed family time due to the demands of my role, I recognized that the job’s pace and stress were unsustainable for my family. I cherish working with children, teachers, and parents, but the toll became too steep. I needed to reassess my priorities, which meant stepping away from work for a while. The decision felt both right and absurd—a blend of emotions that often accompanies big life choices.
As I navigate this new chapter, conversations about my age have shifted. Friends jokingly refer to my “retirement” and wonder what my plans are now, as if staying home with my 8-year-olds isn’t an option. I long to respond with ambitious goals: “I’ll write a novel!” or “I’ll lead the PTO by fall!” However, the truth is I’m uncertain.
On one hand, this time offers a precious opportunity to redefine my next steps: spending quality time with my kids, nurturing my marriage, exploring new interests, and simply taking a breath. Many women don’t have this luxury, and I recognize that.
On the flip side, the uncertainty looms. I intend to re-enter the workforce, but how long can I afford to be out of it at my age? When I do return, I’ll be in my 40s. Will it be more challenging? Will employers overlook me for a younger candidate, even if I possess the experience and wisdom they need? Once, I felt too young; now, I worry about being perceived as too old.
Perhaps it’s an inevitable part of life, feeling old regardless of appearance. Yet, age is also a state of mind. I’ve spent years battling the perception of being “so young.” Approaching 40, I still embody the maturity and competence I had in my 20s. Therefore, I’ve resolved to focus less on what it might be like to return to my career and more on what this unexpected detour means for my life journey.
Sometimes, the unplanned detours are the most enriching parts of our journey, regardless of age. We just need to embrace them when they arise.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author shares her journey from a youthful teacher to a principal, navigating societal perceptions of age and wisdom throughout her career. After leaving her job at 38 to recalibrate her life, she contemplates the implications of taking a break from the workforce, facing both uncertainty and opportunity as she prepares to return to work in her 40s. The article emphasizes that unexpected life detours can be valuable at any age.