I have two wonderful sons—two joyful, healthy, and intelligent boys. Yet, almost daily, someone feels the need to inquire if I’m planning to try for a girl. This question is not only intrusive but also quite rude and presumptuous. It’s high time for it to stop.
When Did This Become Acceptable?
When did it become acceptable for strangers to question parents about their satisfaction with their children? Just a few weeks after my second son was born, we visited a restaurant. The server, upon seeing my infant dressed in blue, immediately asked, “So, when are you going to have a girl?” I was still recovering from childbirth, and yet, here I was being asked about my future family planning regarding a daughter.
Yes, I did have a desire for a girl. I even penned an article expressing that wish. Each time someone asks if I’m “trying for a girl,” it serves as a painful reminder that I don’t have one. I won’t get the chance to braid a daughter’s hair, teach her about influential women, or assist her in selecting a wedding dress. Instead, I have to smile politely, shake my head, and grieve the daughter I thought I would have.
Impact on My Sons
It’s also disheartening when my son hears these comments. At nearly five years old, he must wonder what it means when someone asks if I want a girl. Does he think he’s not enough simply because he’s a boy? I always emphasize how amazing my boys are, but how long before he internalizes the message that children are only valued if they’re girls?
Understanding My Situation
I consider myself fortunate to have two children. During my older son’s emergency C-section, I discovered a uterine anomaly that limits my reproductive capabilities; I only have half of a functional uterus. Given this, I recognize how fortunate I am to have been able to conceive and carry two pregnancies to term. Even during difficult moments, I remember that my children are a significant blessing; many women with similar conditions face infertility. So, do I want to try for a girl? Honestly, I’m not even sure I could have another child, even if I desired one.
The Pain of Infertility
What if I longed for a third child but couldn’t conceive? I was lucky not to have to explore fertility options before my pregnancies, but what about women who have? Think of those who have faced miscarriages or abortions—do they want to be reminded of children they never had? And the heartbreak is even more profound for those who have lost a child. I can’t begin to fathom how painful it would be to hear such questions daily, especially if they had lost a little girl.
Respecting Privacy
Ultimately, my reproductive choices are private matters. I’m generally open about my life, sharing personal stories online. However, discussing my family planning with strangers is not something I welcome. I shouldn’t have to navigate these sensitive issues in casual conversation or justify the gender of my sons or my decision against having a third child.
A Call for Sensitivity
So, the next time you encounter a parent at the playground, opt for a neutral topic instead. Don’t ask parents of boys if they wish they had a girl. Don’t question parents of girls about wanting a boy. Avoid asking parents with one child when they plan for another or questioning those with multiple children about their family size. These inquiries are unwarranted and intrusive; you never know what a family has gone through in their parenting journey.
Conclusion
In summary, it’s crucial to respect personal boundaries when it comes to family planning discussions. Instead of making assumptions or asking sensitive questions, let’s focus on supportive, positive interactions.
For more insights into fertility options that may be relevant, you can check out this post on home insemination kits and learn more from experts in the field at A Positive Pregnancy Test Made Possible. For additional information on pregnancy, visit this resource on pregnancy.