Recently, I’ve been reminding my 10-year-old son that while it’s completely acceptable not to enjoy tasks like homework or cleaning his room, he still has to complete them. Ironically, it seems I need to heed my own advice, as I’ve received three reminders from my daughter’s special education teacher regarding the completion of the daunting Parent Intake Form. And it’s only been a week!
Yes, it’s that time of year again when I’m confronted with questions like, “Do you believe your child will be able to be their own legal guardian?” (No), and “What are your aspirations for your child’s future?” (Honestly, I’m uncertain, and I’d rather not think about it). This September, my daughter, Emma, transitioned to a junior and senior high school designed for teenagers and young adults with special needs, and it’s clear that my tendency to procrastinate on these forms won’t fly anymore.
I can’t hide how much I loathe these forms. I dread having to respond to questions for which I really don’t have easy answers. Perhaps the truth is I do know the answers, but I’m reluctant to confront them. I’ve always felt the pressure to be the archetypal “good special needs mom” — the kind who doesn’t create waves, who submits every form and payment on time, and who deeply appreciates the hard work of the professionals caring for her child. I enjoy the rapport I’ve built with teachers and don’t want to be labeled as a “difficult” parent.
Yet, each year when this form arrives, I feel a surge of anger at being compelled to acknowledge what we all know: Emma’s challenges are significant. It’s likely she will need the level of care that only her father and I can provide, whether at home or in an adult care facility. She may find employment, but only with constant supervision. As she approaches 17, we’ll need to start planning for when she turns 18, as she will never be able to manage her own affairs.
Emma’s abilities have always fluctuated wildly. Some days, she can dress herself and prepare a snack, while other days, she might erupt into a stream of jumbled phrases, and it’s only when she’s in distress — her head stuck in her shirt — that you realize she’s crying out for help with something as simple as, “My baby hippo lost his umbrella.”
At moments like these, I struggle to empathize with parents of children whose needs are less severe but still require assistance. They might say they understand my situation, but they do not. Just as I can’t fully grasp the experiences of parents whose children can do things that Emma cannot.
This is perhaps why I despise these forms so much. Once a year, I have to put into words what I’ve always known in my heart: that despite Emma’s extraordinary qualities, she is profoundly disabled. Deep down, I still cling to the hope that one day she’ll achieve the milestones that her brothers, cousins, and peers will reach without a second thought.
Once a year, I am forced to confront the part of me I try to keep hidden — the self-pitying, frustrated special needs mom that I usually keep at bay. I truly wish that she would fade away, but until that day comes, I’ll reluctantly fill out the form, offering my apologies to the teacher for my tardiness and expressing genuine gratitude for her understanding. The only acknowledgment I’ll give to my hidden self will be in response to the last question: “What careers or specific jobs has your child expressed interest in?” I’ll write down, “Emma would like to be a princess. We understand that roles are limited, but we believe she can truly shine in that role.”
And once again, that will be the one answer I wholeheartedly believe.
In summary, navigating the realities of parenting a child with special needs can be overwhelming. The annual task of completing the Parent Intake Form forces parents to confront difficult truths about their child’s abilities and future. While it’s essential to maintain optimism, the challenges remain significant, and the journey is often fraught with emotions that can be hard to articulate. For more insights on family-building options, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.