Parenting Perspectives
The moving truck sits idling in the driveway, packed with my daughter’s belongings—dishes, clothes, books, and anticipation. As I stand beside my husband, I watch it as if it were a magical vehicle transporting her to another world. My body is still, yet my thoughts are racing through highways of worry and excitement.
Are we really ready to let her go?
Our daughter, now 18, is preparing for a journey from Austin to Los Angeles. She’s taking a gap year, interning and living independently, far from the comfort of home. I feel a whirlwind of emotions: excitement, anxiety, curiosity, joy, and fear. There should be a specific term for this complex feeling that seems to encompass everything.
Amidst this emotional storm, a few pressing thoughts surface:
- Isn’t this too soon?
- How can society allow 18-year-olds to live on their own? What life skills does she have?
- She struggles with simple chores like loading the dishwasher—how will she manage her finances or thrive in a work environment?
- The questions flood my mind: how can she make informed choices when her brain is still developing? Wouldn’t it be wiser to wait until she’s 30?
Did I prepare her adequately?
Did I read enough parenting books? Did I ignore the misleading advice? Was there enough structure and guidance, or too much? Did I allow her the freedom to make mistakes? Did I equip her with knowledge about relationships and safety on the road? Did I instill the importance of hard work, regardless of the outcome? Did I teach her to embrace her self-worth each day?
Will she be okay?
Will she forge friendships? Will she find fulfillment in her work? Will she navigate the chaotic L.A. traffic safely? Will she make wise choices regarding her safety? Will she remain firm in her beliefs while being open to growth? Will she discover her passions and feel a sense of belonging? Will she experience love and connection?
As my husband and I hold hands in the driveway, our daughter returns from an errand in her dad’s car. As she maneuvers around the U-Haul, she accidentally bumps into mine. My husband and I exchange a knowing glance, embracing tightly.
This complex mixture of feelings is reminiscent of the emotions I felt when bringing my own children home from the hospital. Though my 18-year-old is my stepdaughter, I remember the overwhelming blend of joy and fear when we buckled her younger sisters into their car seats. I often wondered: How is this legal? Will I be enough for them, and will they thrive?
Being a parent encapsulates this feeling—an intense love that seems to exist outside of oneself. It’s the realization that, although you love them fiercely, they are their own individuals. It’s a journey of love intertwined with letting go, a narrative that evolves from the moment they are born.
This isn’t the first minor accident my daughter has had in her dad’s car; in a few weeks, we will be shopping for a new vehicle, one that won’t be entrusted to a teenager for a while. At least there are silver linings in the process of letting go.
For more on navigating parenthood, especially regarding family planning, check out our post on couples’ fertility journeys. Additionally, if you’re interested in the age impact on relationships and development, visit this insightful piece. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, consider this guide.
In summary, sending kids off to college can evoke a flood of emotions and worries, prompting questions about their readiness and our role as parents. It’s a bittersweet journey, highlighting both the joys of raising children and the inevitable letting go that comes with it.