Welcome to our wonderful neighborhood! I wanted to reach out and apologize for not properly introducing myself. I genuinely feel bad for my rudeness. Earlier today, I noticed you wave, and in my attempt to respond, I accidentally spilled coffee all over myself because I had foolishly not secured the lid on my mug. As I drove past, I might have shouted “Oh for Pete’s sake, I’m such a klutz!” which, given the circumstances, may have seemed directed at you. Rest assured, it was not.
To add to the chaos, my morning was already off to a rocky start—my dog decided to have a little adventure in the yard, rolling in something rather unpleasant, and I had to clean that up before heading out. This led to my frazzled state, and I truly appreciate your understanding.
After our little interaction and a couple of similar ones (yikes!), I thought it best to write and explain a few things, so you won’t feel the need to cross the street when passing by or warn your kids to stay away from the “crazy” neighbor.
About Me and My Family
Last weekend, while walking my dog, I waved (go me!) and noticed your puzzled expression when you waved back. I later realized that I was wearing a rather flashy pink tiara adorned with rhinestones—gifted by my son who was disappointed I never wore it. I had just found it while unpacking from our move over a year ago and thought it might brighten his day. So yes, I am that person who walks their dog in a tiara, but I promise it’s not an everyday occurrence!
You may have overheard some lively banter in my backyard the other day. As you might imagine, with three boys aged 7 to 12, things can get a bit wild! To clarify, when I jokingly suggested duct tape for my son’s incessant flatulence (which he tends to aim at his brother), it was said in jest. Likewise, when I yelled that I’d make my 12-year-old wipe my butt if he asked me to wipe his one more time, it was purely an exasperated comment. I assure you, I am completely capable of handling my own hygiene!
I should also mention that my oldest mentioned you stopped by to borrow our ladder, but my son told you I was having “Mommy’s Naked Time.” This is just my clever ruse to ensure I get some uninterrupted quiet time, often spent indulging in Candy Crush. It usually only lasts about half an hour, but I guess the boys have dubbed it that now. If you still need the ladder, feel free to come by this evening.
I apologize for the little scare earlier when my youngest came over looking for me. The boys had been bickering, and I had to take a moment for myself. When I found them having an impromptu “sword fight” with their pee in the bathroom, I kind of lost it. I ended up retreating to my closet for some peace and quiet. I realize this might have caused some panic for you, and I’m truly sorry for any distress it caused.
Let’s Connect!
Despite the chaos, I promise I’m a friendly neighbor. I would love to invite you over for dinner sometime soon. I think our kids will get along just fine—I’ve already had a talk with mine about not using dried dog poop as ammunition in their Nerf wars (apologies for that incident!).
Let me know when you’re free, and we can plan something. I have a variety of beverages available—wine, beer, rum, vodka, and tequila—whatever suits your taste!
Warm regards,
Your Friendly New Neighbors
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In summary, I hope this note provides some context to the delightful chaos that is my household. I genuinely look forward to getting to know you better and having you over soon!