If you catch a glimpse of me in the supermarket with my son, you might find yourself shaking your head or rolling your eyes. You may feel impatient as my cart occupies the middle of the aisle while I dig into my oversized bag for the box of Mike and Ikes I packed for just such a moment. That moment when my son reaches his breaking point, crying to be held while I bribe him with sweets to keep him in the cart.
Yes, I’m that mom, and I make no apologies.
I’m the mom who bargains, pleads, and sometimes resorts to bribes. If it means avoiding a scene, I’ll let my child indulge in cookies and candy before dinner. I’m the mom who hands my 2-year-old a butter knife at a restaurant, hoping to enjoy a meal I actually paid for. I’m also the mom who would rather crank up the car’s heat than force my child to wear socks, especially when he stubbornly wails, “No socks!”
I’m that mom at the end of her rope, willing to do whatever it takes to survive the grocery store, tolerate a meal out, endure a church service, or simply make it to bedtime. Ironically, I never set out to be this way. When I was pregnant, I would watch other moms struggle with their children and vow, “That will never be me.” I envisioned myself as the mom who wouldn’t negotiate, the one who would enforce discipline, letting my child cry it out or sit in my lap because I said so.
But my son, with his fierce personality, shattered my preconceptions about motherhood. I never anticipated that his stubbornness would mirror my own or that his tears would pierce my heart. I learned that the lengths I would go to in order to prevent his distress were greater than I ever imagined. My son turned my life upside down and revealed to me that he needed me to be that mom—the one who understands him, who bends when necessary, and who values his happiness above all else.
I’ve become the mom who can spot a tired tantrum and opts for a comforting hug instead of a scolding. I choose joy over conflict, fun over frustration, and laughter over shouting. I’m the mom you might think is a little out there, dancing in the rain with my son to keep him from crying. I scoop him up like a football—“hotball,” as he calls it—and rush toward joy rather than insisting he walk on his own.
I now recognize that candy isn’t the evil we once thought; sometimes, it’s a lifesaver. Bargaining doesn’t equate to weakness; rather, it’s a tool in my parenting arsenal. Being that mom doesn’t mean I’m taking the easy route; it means I’m setting aside my expectations of what motherhood should look like to embrace the mother my son needs.
Feel free to roll your eyes, whisper to your partner about my parenting choices, or gasp at my toddler playing with items like a butter knife or screwdriver. You might grow impatient as I allow him to push buttons on the debit card machine. I apologize for any inconvenience, but I won’t apologize for being the mom you vowed never to become.
Perhaps you’ll never find yourself in my shoes. Maybe you’ll stand firm and let your child cry it out. Perhaps you’ll embody the mother you always wanted to be, one who doesn’t resort to bargaining. But my son needs me to be this mom, and I’m unapologetic about it.
So, if one day you find yourself becoming the mom you thought you’d never be because your child’s needs supersede your desire not to be that mom, I hope you too will embrace it without regret. Prioritizing needs over wants is the essence of motherhood, and it’s a choice we should always celebrate.
For more insights into navigating motherhood and fertility, you can check out some valuable resources like this one, or explore options for at-home insemination kits here. For additional support, consider reaching out to experts like Dr. Emily Carter.
In summary, being “that mom” is about meeting your child’s needs, even when it contradicts your previous expectations. It’s about embracing flexibility, prioritizing happiness, and accepting that parenting is often about making compromises for the sake of love.