Updated: Oct. 14, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 14, 2015
When my triplets were young, I constantly heard that parenting would grow easier as they aged. However, I began to doubt the truth of those assurances. People would say, “Just wait until they turn five; that’s when the real fun begins.” Yet, my experience told a different story.
As babies, my triplets were remarkably easygoing and transitioned well into toddlerhood. They napped frequently and rarely bickered. Potty training took just a weekend, and they thrived in preschool, making friends effortlessly. But when they reached that pivotal age of five, the dynamics shifted dramatically.
Suddenly, they were prone to arguing. My oldest daughter, who once found her brother’s antics hilarious, now perceived him as the most annoying person on the planet. All four children became assertive and began expressing their dissatisfaction with my requests.
In response, I found myself yelling more often. I hoped that raising my voice would quell their disputes or prompt them to put on their shoes as instructed. But yelling only escalated the chaos; it either provoked their own outbursts or led to them tuning me out completely.
Feeling overwhelmed, I reached out to my close friend, expressing my current struggles with parenting. I felt disconnected from my children and was lacking joy in my role as a mother. She, not having four kids herself, suggested that I might benefit from carving out one-on-one time with each child. Her idea was that devoting undivided attention to each of my kids could foster a sense of importance in them, and I might find joy in parenting just one child at a time.
She reassured me that I deserved to enjoy individual moments with each of my children, which could help transform my experience of parenting. After all, the daily grind of mediating disputes, managing chores, and preparing them for school offered little joy. To combat the negativity, it was essential to create fresh avenues for positive interactions.
Since that conversation, I’ve prioritized one-on-one outings with all four of my kids. Coordinating these moments isn’t always easy amidst our hectic schedules, but the rewards are undeniable. Whether we go out to a restaurant of their choice or simply run errands, my children don’t require extravagant plans—they value the quality time spent with me.
During these special moments, I genuinely connect with each child, enjoying conversations about their friendships and struggles without interruptions. We share quiet times, simply savoring each other’s company, and I can offer affection without the others vying for my attention.
At the conclusion of our outings, their happiness is evident. I can see it reflected in their faces and feel it in their hand squeezes. “When can we do this again, Mommy?” they ask, and in those moments, I realize I’ve created cherished memories.
Opening up to a friend about my parenting challenges sparked a significant shift in my approach. Every child craves love and validation. As a mother of four, I needed to discover how to connect with each of my kids individually, to appreciate their unique essences and restore harmony in our home.
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In summary, dedicating one-on-one time with each child can foster stronger bonds and improve the overall family dynamic. By creating these special moments, I’ve found renewed joy in parenting and a deeper understanding of my children.