We all know that one relative who doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of appropriate conversation. You know, the one who manages to ask the most awkward questions at family gatherings. We roll our eyes, chuckle, and try to move on. Usually, someone will say, “Oh, come on, Uncle Joe, that’s not something you can ask!” Another will chime in with, “Seriously, Uncle Joe, it’s not the ‘50s anymore!” Then we refill our glasses, shrug it off, and wait for the next family dinner to roll around.
But now, it’s not just Uncle Joe who stumbles into these conversational landmines. These days, nearly everything seems off-limits. Countless articles discuss how certain topics have become taboo, even though they’ve been central to human interaction since time immemorial.
Topics We Are Told to Avoid
- Asking a single person when they plan to find a partner.
- Inquiring of couples when they’ll finally tie the knot.
- Questioning long-term couples about having children.
- Asking new parents when they’ll expand their family.
- Probing parents with multiple children if they plan to stop.
- Speculating on a baby’s last name.
- Questioning whether a child will participate in significant religious ceremonies.
- Suggesting that boys should play football.
- Suggesting that girls shouldn’t play football.
- Commenting on gendered behavior or physical appearance.
- Discussing the benefits of breast milk versus formula.
- Asking about various formula brands.
- Mispronouncing a child’s name.
- Discussing the challenges of being a stay-at-home versus working parent.
- Talking about your kids at work (unless you’re a man, then it’s seen as relatable).
So, maybe the safest course is to avoid talking about relationships and children altogether?
Why All the Fuss?
Here are three words: You don’t know. You don’t know who’s facing heartbreak in their relationship. You don’t know who’s battling infertility or has made the choice not to have kids for personal reasons. You don’t know which mother is anxious about her son playing football or who is sensitive about the name they painstakingly chose for their child. The truth is, you can’t know everything.
Yet, completely avoiding these discussions isn’t practical either. There’s your single coworker who’s just had another disastrous date, and you want to hear all the juicy details. Or your best friend who’s finally stepping into motherhood, and you’re eager to share experiences about pregnancy and sleepless nights—but she might be feeling overwhelmed and isn’t ready to dive into those topics.
A Thought to Consider
So here’s a thought: Wait for them to bring it up. Hold off until they seek your advice (which may never happen, and that’s okay!). Wait until they introduce you to their baby with the unique name (or, like mine, the three-letter name that everyone still gets wrong) and listen attentively. Change the barrage of questions into a genuine conversation, not an interrogation.
Or, if all else fails, pivot to politics. Because there’s nothing controversial about that, right?
This article originally appeared on Oct. 13, 2023.
For those navigating the complexities of family planning and home insemination, check out our post on this couples’ fertility journey. For expert insights, visit Dr. Mark Nowak, a leader in gynecology and reproductive health. For additional information, consider this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while navigating sensitive topics around relationships and parenting can be tricky, it’s essential to approach conversations with empathy and awareness. Respect others’ boundaries, wait for them to share, and engage in genuine dialogue.