So, the moment has arrived: your child has requested a pet. Exciting, right? Let me save you some time: it’s actually not. When your little one asks for a pet, they’re really asking if you’d like to take on the responsibility of caring for an animal in your home while they bask in the glory of having one. Little Jason doesn’t have a pet guinea pig—you do. I can already hear you saying that you’ve had a serious talk about responsibility and that your child will be the one doing all the work, teaching them invaluable lessons about nurturing living beings.
Feel free to message me on social media while you’re cleaning that guinea pig’s cage; I’ll respond with a few laugh/cry emojis for moral support. But don’t despair—some pets are definitely better than others. While a few can be enjoyable, there are several that you should definitely think twice about. Below is a quick rundown of various pets and why they might not be the best idea:
Dog
Want to relive the joys of having a toddler in your home? Get a puppy! You’ll find yourself constantly prying non-edible items from a drooling mouth and waking up multiple times at night to let the puppy outside—only to find him joyfully relieving himself on the rug as soon as he’s back inside.
Cat
Want to teach your children about rejection? Why not adopt a cat? Choose one that will live for about two decades, and you’ll have a furry companion that loves to ignore you while also marking their territory throughout your house.
Hamster
Don’t be fooled by those flashy tubes and catchy tunes from when the Internet was new (admit it, that song is stuck in your head now!). Hamsters may seem cute, but they sleep all day long—exactly when your kids want to play with them. They prefer waking up just when you’re putting your kids to bed to gnaw on everything in sight.
Fish
Yawn. While picking out the fish and bringing them home is exciting, the thrill dies down about 15 minutes after they’re in the tank. Your kids will quickly realize that all their fish do is swim around, and they certainly can’t pet them or take them on adventures—except to the toilet when they inevitably pass away due to some mysterious issue with the water quality.
Rabbit
Rabbits don’t want to be your pet; they want to eat, drink, sleep, and be left alone. They are the Ke$ha of the pet world. While it may seem like they’re enjoying your affection, they’re actually paralyzed by fear. If you take one out of its cage, it will likely bolt and huddle in the nearest corner until you return it to safety.
Bird
Ever wondered what it would be like to have a bird swooping around your house, crashing into things and leaving droppings everywhere? Buy your child a bird! They also have a knack for making loud and often annoying noises. Birds tend to bond with one person, usually the one who feeds them, and they often develop a strong dislike for everyone else. If you want your children to have plenty to discuss in therapy, a parrot might be a great choice!
Ultimately, there really isn’t a good pet option. Perhaps it’s time for Plan B: entice your children with an extravagant gift instead. Trust me, no matter what you spend, it’ll be worth it to avoid the chaos of pet ownership.
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In summary, while the idea of getting a pet may sound fun, the reality often involves a lot of unexpected challenges. From the noise of birds to the aloofness of cats, choosing a pet can lead to a world of frustration rather than joy.