When my daughter was 13, she often expressed her desire to emulate Sophie. Sophie is a friend of mine who has a dazzling career in the entertainment sector and enjoys dating a variety of individuals, from firefighters to attorneys. Yet, Sophie looks up to our friend Mia, a stay-at-home mom with two preteen daughters. Mia enjoys a comfortable life, complete with a mortgage, a pool maintenance service, and a gardener. When we gather at Mia’s home, we indulge in exquisite five-course meals, and her daughters flaunt designer clothes. In her sunlit kitchen, we sip coffee and tackle the world’s challenges together.
Interestingly, Mia aspires to be like me. She yearns for the independence of a working mom, the financial freedom that comes with it, and the ability to attend business meetings and enjoy spontaneous martini lunches without guilt. Meanwhile, I sometimes wish I could rewind the clock and relive my teenage years.
This cycle of envy and aspiration among women has been ongoing for generations. From the time God endowed some women with voluptuous figures and others with graceful legs, we have always coveted what we do not possess. Whether it’s a different tax bracket, a chic restaurant, a stunning dress, a new hairstyle, or the affection of a particular man, we often believe the grass is greener elsewhere.
So how do we embrace our true selves instead of constantly yearning for someone else’s life? For instance, Sophie’s mother is a successful journalist who leads a vibrant life while raising her daughter alone after an early divorce. In contrast, Mia’s mother dedicated her life to home-making and nurturing a welcoming environment for her friends and family. My own mother, who returned to work when I was a teenager, imparted to me numerous domestic skills—some of which I still apply today. And I always ensured I wore appropriate clothes during morning carpool runs, just in case of an unexpected incident.
We observe our mothers, absorbing their words and actions. I witnessed my mother catering to my father, noting her demeanor and how she kept certain thoughts to herself. I remember her advice that couples should never retire for the night angry.
Life lessons evolve as the world changes. From the suffragette movement of the 1920s to women entering the workforce in the 1940s, then returning home in the 1950s with renewed pride, to the bra-burning protests of the 1960s, and the corporate battles of the ‘70s and ‘80s—each decade has shaped our identities. In the ‘90s, we fought for autonomy over our bodies, and today, we are stepping into leadership roles and influencing laws.
As women transform, so do their daughters, and this evolution takes time. How many times have you spotted traits of your grandmother in your child or recognized elements of your mother within yourself? My daughter once declared, “I don’t want to be like you,” all while styling her wild, curly hair—traits she inherited from me. Standing side by side, we mirror each other in our eyes, smiles, and expressions. Though she claims she doesn’t want to emulate me, I can’t help but notice her repeating my words to her children, phrases that echo back to my mother and her mother before.
Language may evolve—terms like “neat” transformed into “groovy,” then “cool,” and now we use acronyms like LOL and OMG—but our core messages remain the same. We are striving to guide our daughters toward becoming fully realized individuals. My daughter embodies the spirit of the ‘60s, the confidence of the ‘80s, and the awareness of this new century. She is undeniably a reflection of me, yet also distinctly her own person, just like the relationship I have with my own mother.
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In summary, the intricate dance of aspiration and identity among mothers and daughters continues across generations, reminding us that while we may desire what others possess, it’s crucial to embrace our unique paths and the legacies we create.