I’m sure you didn’t think I could hear your whispers. I understand what it’s like to be in college and how desperately you were trying to impress one another. However, you failed to grasp the impact of your words on a complete stranger. When you remarked, “Look at her browsing workout clothes. She probably doesn’t even know what a gym is!” I couldn’t help but feel the sting of your judgment.
It has been over three years and 50 pounds since that moment, yet the embarrassment still washes over me. I turned to face you, and it was evident that you realized I was much older than you presumed. I could almost hear the unspoken thought: I must have been someone’s mother shopping for a daughter.
What you didn’t know is that I was there for myself, having bravely returned to college in my late 30s to finish my bachelor’s degree. What you didn’t know is that I spent twenty minutes in my car each day, summoning the courage to enter the classroom filled with your youthful energy. You had no idea that my marriage was unraveling, leaving me feeling helpless. You also didn’t know that my three-year-old son resisted potty training, which meant I often had to dash back to school to change him, as the Catholic school he attended wouldn’t do it for me. And you certainly didn’t know that I was stress-eating to cope with the overwhelming feelings of isolation and despair. That day, I was looking at sweatpants because my jeans had become uncomfortably tight, leaving me with a rash around my waistband. I had spent my last $20 until payday seeking a bit of comfort.
Your choice to judge me only deepened my already fragile self-esteem, pushing me further into isolation. You managed to crush the little strength I had left at a time when I was striving to rebuild myself.
Despite the hurtful comments you casually tossed my way, I continued showing up at school every day for four semesters until I graduated. I faced the end of my marriage and finally got my son potty trained before winter break. At 37 years old, I made the Dean’s List and graduated with my bachelor’s degree at 38. I also managed to shed 50 pounds, meaning those sweatpants you mocked no longer fit me.
I still wear those sweatpants around the house and on chilly nights; they are perfect for sleeping. I have to tie the waistband now to keep them up, but I cherish them for their comfort and the deep pockets. They proudly display our school’s name in pink letters. Although you didn’t think I could hear you, every time I wear those sweatpants, I am reminded of your words. Yet now, I focus on how far I’ve come and how that woman you ridiculed no longer exists. Imagine how much sooner I might have healed if you had simply purchased your books and walked past me.
Before you utter words that you think no one will overhear, consider how you might feel if those words were directed at you. Remember, the person you’re judging has their own struggles, and we’re all navigating life together. Have we become so accustomed to hiding behind screens that we forget about the real people we encounter—individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and challenges?
To the college guys at the campus bookstore: I hope your lives are easier than my recent years, but should you face hardships, I wish for you to meet those who uplift you and remind you that you are more than your current situation. We owe each other that basic kindness.
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Summary
The author reflects on a painful experience from her college years when she overheard judgmental comments from young men in a bookstore. Sharing her personal struggles, she emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding towards others, especially in challenging times. She highlights her journey of personal growth and resilience, ultimately encouraging kindness and support among individuals.