Did I…
- Secure the door?
- Grab the toddler’s cup?
- Remember my keys?
- Unplug the straightener?
- Take my wallet?
- Pack enough snacks?
- Include a change of clothes?
I check my pocket for my keys, rummage through the bag for the cup, clothes, snacks, and wallet. I hop out of the car to ensure the door is locked. Of course, it is. It always is. I unlock it, dash to the bathroom, and confirm the outlet is empty. Yes, it’s unplugged. I hurry back out, lock the door again, and halfway to the car, I turn around to double-check. It’s locked. Again.
Did I…
- Send his shoes?
- Pack toy cars for him to play with?
- Text to see how he’s doing?
- Leave the cup in the car?
During lunch, I make a quick trip to the parking lot to look for shoes, toy cars, and the cup. None are visible. Success. I check my messages and realize I haven’t texted yet, hesitant not to appear overbearing. After a moment, I decide it’s time to send a message anyway. I find myself checking my phone often, eagerly awaiting a reply, because deep down, every mom has a bit of the helicopter mom in her.
Did I…
- Send that last email?
- Turn off the office light?
- Extinguish the candle?
- Notify my boss about being late tomorrow?
I replay the last few minutes of my workday, visualizing myself turning off the light and texting a coworker to ensure the candle was blown out. I hope I sent the email, dwell on it, worry about it. Finally, I come to terms with my uncertainty about the email and remind myself I can check it when I return the next day. I text my boss to confirm I’ll be late.
Did I…
- Check on him in his crib?
- Make sure he’s breathing okay?
- Ensure nothing is caught in the bars?
- Pack his bag for tomorrow?
- Prepare his juice cup?
- Spend enough time playing with him?
- Shower him with love?
I quietly rise from sorting the laundry and tiptoe to his room, shining a flashlight on him to check his breathing. He’s fine. His hands are above his head, not stuck. Great. I notice a foot between the bars and gently move it to a safer spot. Holding my breath as he shifts, I tiptoe back down the hall and resume my laundry task.
I smile, recalling our tickle fights and dancing to “Ring Around the Rosie” while matching socks. The kisses I stole while he drifted off to sleep linger in my mind. I remind myself that as a mom, I always love him enough, even when I question if it’s sufficient. I finish the laundry and lie down in bed, offering up my prayers.
Did I lock the door? Throwing off the covers, I sneak to the living room. I check the door. Locked. It’s always locked.
Returning to bed, I take a deep breath and try to find some rest, preparing for another day filled with the familiar question: Did I…
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Summary:
In the whirlwind of motherhood, doubts often linger about whether everything has been accomplished in a day. From securing doors to ensuring a child’s comfort and safety, a mother’s mind races with countless tasks and concerns. Even amidst the chaos, love prevails, reminding us that being a mom means loving fiercely, even when we feel inadequate.