In the quiet moments of the morning, I find myself reflecting on how quickly you apologised after spilling the cereal. I told you it was alright; accidents happen, but my heart aches a little. Your instinct to say sorry makes me wonder—am I the one who has burdened you with these expectations as the eldest child?
As I think about giving you an extra hug tomorrow when you wake up, I promise myself to do better. I want to lower my expectations and remind myself that you’re just 7 years old. Yet, I already know that the first time something pulls my attention away, I’ll slip back into old habits.
When you’re slow to get ready for school, I’ll likely hurry you along. If your hair dips into your breakfast, I’ll probably sigh and remind you to tie it back. If you get lost in your book during breakfast, I know I might snap at you. But if your little brother does the same? I wouldn’t think twice—he’s only 3, after all. It’s not fair. In reality, there’s not much difference between 3 and 7. But as the oldest, you bear a heavier load.
I often reflect on how I expected too much from you at 3, just as your brother is now. You were the big sister—no longer a baby. Looking back, it seems so unreasonable. Your brother, on the other hand, is given grace to wander off during meals, to dress himself at his own pace, and to play without concern. You were not afforded such leeway; I expected you to be mature, to follow rules without question.
When you turned 6, like your sister is now, I viewed you as the capable big girl—school-ready and articulate. When you struggled, I grew frustrated. I didn’t comprehend your feelings when you were upset or found it hard to adapt. With your sister, I tread lightly. I prepare her for changes and celebrate her successes, yet I failed to do the same for you.
I know that by the time your sister is 7 and your brother is too, I will have adjusted my expectations. I won’t view them as miniature adults, but rather as children still learning the ropes, deserving of my understanding. I need to embrace this realization now, not wait for years to pass.
You’re just 7, and being the oldest doesn’t mean you should act older than you are. You can be responsible—helping with chores, choosing your outfits—but also allow yourself to be a child, playing and enjoying breakfast without a care. I need to remind myself of this constantly. There’s no need to reduce my expectations of you; instead, I should elevate my expectations of myself. Tomorrow morning, I’ll remember to hug you twice and tie your hair back for you.
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Summary
The challenges of parenting often weigh heavily on firstborn children, who are held to higher expectations. This reflection emphasizes the need for parents to reconsider their expectations and understand that children, regardless of their birth order, deserve the space to be kids. The author resolves to be kinder to her firstborn while recognizing the unique pressures placed on them.