Last week, my 5-year-old son began his violin lessons, and his enthusiasm appears to be lacking. Both my partner and I are musically inclined, often playing guitar and singing at home, so he has been surrounded by music since he was a baby. He enjoys singing and even asked for music lessons after receiving a hand-me-down violin from a friend. However, during his first lesson, he seemed withdrawn, only reluctantly echoing the melodies taught by the instructor. It remains uncertain whether he will choose to continue or invest the necessary practice time to make the lessons worthwhile.
My partner and I are at odds about whether to require him to keep attending lessons, even if he shows disinterest. I believe that learning to play an instrument, read music, and develop an ear for sound is an invaluable gift to give a child, even if they don’t realize it initially. I think that regular lessons and daily practice should be a non-negotiable part of his upbringing, regardless of his current feelings. Conversely, my partner insists that music should be a source of joy, suggesting that both children and adults should engage with it only if they genuinely desire to, and at a pace they find comfortable.
Our differing views stem from our own childhoods; both of us took violin and piano lessons but were never forced to practice or continue when we didn’t want to. As adults, we both picked up the guitar—he quickly became quite skilled, while I still find myself struggling as a novice. He is content with his musical journey and has no regrets about stopping his childhood lessons, while I sometimes wish my mother had encouraged me to persevere. (I can almost hear her saying, “Good luck forcing a defiant 10-year-old to practice her scales!”) Perhaps my yearning for more structure is a bit naive; it may not be easy to compel a child to invest the hours necessary to excel. Should my son strongly resist practicing and attending lessons, I might have to reconsider my stance as well.
For the time being, our focus is on keeping music enjoyable—something we can do as a family by creating silly songs together. He has an uncanny ability to sense when we’re trying to “trick” him into practicing, like when I sing scales disguised as the “numbers song.” Right now, only train-themed songs will do. We do understand a little about the mentality of a 5-year-old: he gets to stay up 20 minutes later than his younger sibling if he chooses to sing or play a song with us. The violin is his “special possession,” and his brother isn’t allowed to touch it.
There’s no reason music shouldn’t remain fun. I’m unsure why I didn’t enjoy music as a child but find it so fulfilling now. (My partner points out that as an adult, I have control over my schedule, my choice of teacher, and the music I wish to learn—all aspects children typically lack.) Even if he decides against the violin, there are other instruments to explore or simply the joy of singing together. Even if he abandons formal lessons, my hope is that he becomes an active listener, allowing music to enrich his life for years to come. That alone would make it all worthwhile.
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Summary
Encouraging a child to pursue music lessons can lead to valuable skills and a lifelong appreciation for music. However, it’s essential to balance structure with enjoyment, allowing children agency in their musical journey.