Pregnancy can feel overwhelming, especially for first-time mothers. A friend of mine, pregnant and blissfully unaware of what lies ahead, recently asked me about the routine monthly OB appointments. To be honest, they can often be dull and anticlimactic. Here’s a breakdown for those new to the experience, ensuring you know what to expect:
- Begin by signing in and tackling the seemingly endless barrage of questions from the receptionist about your insurance and address—questions you’ve answered a million times.
- Take a seat in a chair that feels as inviting as a wooden pew with tacks. It’s best to get comfortable; you’re in for a wait!
- Try to avoid eye contact with the other patients, except for that one elderly lady who seems oblivious to the fact that her small talk about the weather is less than welcome.
- Pretend to be intrigued by a four-year-old copy of Golf Digest or a May 2014 edition of Good Housekeeping.
- Engage in a mental game of “Who’s Pregnant?” with the waiting room crowd. That woman in the corner is keeping you guessing.
- Feel a wave of sympathy for the mother struggling to manage her four energetic children while waiting for her appointment.
- Eavesdrop on the lady who has chosen to hold her very public phone conversation on speaker. Her drama is oddly entertaining, despite the “No cellphones” sign posted everywhere.
- Observe the cute couple here for their first prenatal visit. Hey, partner, good luck watching your wife endure the awkwardness of a speculum exam. (If you’re in this position, consider allowing your partner to skip future visits unless it’s a major ultrasound.)
- Regret not bringing a snack. Your stomach is growling.
- Think about tackling the woman munching on a Luna Bar, but then remember it’s coconut-flavored, and you’re not that desperate.
- Pull out your phone. Who cares about the “No cell phones” rule? You’ve watched multiple people leave while you’re still stuck here.
- Listen to the new arrival loudly complain about how long she’s been waiting. Seriously? You haven’t even finished reading the Golf Digest yet!
- Hooray! Your name is called! Why are you excited about having your lady bits examined with a tube covered in lube, though?
- Step onto the scale and try to hold back tears.
- Cringe as the nurse takes your blood pressure and shakes her head disapprovingly.
- Attempt to pee in a cup so tiny that even a seasoned sniper would struggle to hit it. You hope you produced enough, anticipating the doctor’s lecture about drinking more water even though you feel like you’re drowning daily.
- Recite your estimated due date and the date of your last menstrual cycle for the fifth time.
- Lift your shirt and lower your pants to allow the nurse to find fetal heart tones with the Doppler (if you’re past 12 weeks). Panic for a moment until she locates it, and then try to wipe off the sticky gel, which feels like an endless battle.
- Cross your fingers that this appointment doesn’t involve an exam.
- Well, that’s unfortunate…
- Undress in the exam room, which is either frigid or boiling hot.
- Sit half-naked on a crunchy paper covering a cold metal exam table, wondering why you haven’t run away yet. Instead, distract yourself by reading the outdated birth control posters on the wall.
- Wait.
- Keep waiting.
- Wait until you’re about to scream from the frustration.
- Finally, a knock on the door! Time to get started!
- Surprise! There’s an intern with the doctor, and he’s younger and more attractive than you. How delightful. sigh
- Stare at the not-so-soothing ceiling poster of a mountain stream while the doctor examines you. Fingers crossed there’s no spotting from the exam.
- Questions, questions—what were they again? Vow to write them down next time. You feel a bit irresponsible for not being prepared.
- Blood work may be required; don’t worry, it’s only a gallon of blood!
- Schedule your next appointment with the receptionist, where only one time slot remains for the foreseeable future.
- Leave feeling like you need a shower and some iron supplements, not to mention all that water!
- Detour to Burger King for some onion rings, hoping they count as your veggie serving.
- Make a mental note to bring a book and snack next time (but let’s be real, you’ll probably forget).
- Repeat this cycle in a month or sooner.
Exciting, right? Some visits might involve additional tests, like diabetes screenings that can ramp up anxiety levels and lead to long waits for results. While ultrasounds are thrilling, don’t expect them at every appointment unless it’s a special occasion, like the anatomy scan. I know the anticipation is building for your next visit, but I promise, it’s all worth it in the end as you prepare for motherhood.
For more resources on the journey of pregnancy and home insemination, check out this informative post on at-home insemination kits. If you need expert guidance, the fertility center at Johns Hopkins is an excellent resource for pregnancy-related concerns. Also, don’t miss the latest updates from Intracervical Insemination on their unique diaper prints.
In summary, while OB appointments may be routine and sometimes tedious, they are an essential part of ensuring a healthy pregnancy. Prepare yourself for the journey ahead, and remember to take care of yourself along the way.