Twelve years ago, when our eldest was just a toddler, we invited a childless couple over for dinner. As we chatted in the living room, our adorable almost-3-year-old approached me, casually leaning over the arm of my chair, and dropped a surprising question. With a nonchalant tone, she asked, “Wanna nurse?”
I could practically hear the sound of our friends’ jaws hitting the floor. I chuckled and replied, “No, thanks. Maybe later.” Luckily, our little one was satisfied with my answer and skipped away happily. A stunned friend turned to me and asked, “Did she really just say that?”
Indeed, she did. All three of our children nursed until shortly after their third birthdays. While it was unusual for our daughter to ask at that age—since we had mostly limited nursing to bedtime and the morning—it was a part of the gradual weaning process we were navigating. Our friends laughed along, but I could tell that witnessing a talking child request to nurse was quite the revelation for them if they weren’t familiar with it.
Given the myriad of opinions that surround this topic, I want to clarify ten misconceptions that are not why we chose to breastfeed through toddlerhood:
- To create discomfort.
- To make a statement or prove a point.
- A perverse attachment to breastfeeding.
- Seeking attention due to insecurity.
- A need for my children to depend on me.
- Feeling superior as a mother.
- Inability to say no.
- Fear of my children growing up.
- Laziness regarding solid foods.
- A desire for accolades.
These are some common reasons attributed to mothers who breastfeed longer than what others deem acceptable, but they don’t apply to me (well, No. 8 does, but it’s unrelated to breastfeeding).
Here are ten genuine reasons we continued nursing through toddlerhood:
- Comfort: Nursing was our toddlers’ main source of comfort since birth. Some kids have pacifiers, others have blankets—ours found solace in nursing. I appreciated having a reliable means to soothe them. We avoided the so-called “terrible twos,” likely due to their ongoing nursing, which offered the comfort and connection they craved during their exploration of independence.
- Nutrition: Breastmilk remains nutritionally beneficial regardless of age. As children grow, their dietary needs expand, but breastmilk continues to provide essential proteins, fats, and vitamins. There’s no reason to switch to cow’s milk at one year if both mother and child are content to continue breastfeeding. After all, cow’s milk is essentially a cow’s breastmilk, which seems less nutritionally advantageous than human breastmilk.
- Cost-efficiency: Breastmilk is free. I saw no point in spending money on cow’s milk or alternatives when I had a readily available source of nutrition.
- Convenience: When a nursing toddler requests milk, you don’t even need to leave your seat. It’s akin to carrying a cooler full of sippy cups everywhere you go—super convenient!
- Research: With a mother who is a lactation consultant, I grew up surrounded by the benefits of breastfeeding. I also delved into research when my first child was born, discovering extensive support for extended breastfeeding and no evidence suggesting harm. Anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler posits that the natural weaning age for humans lies between 2.5 and 7 years—check out her findings for an enlightening read.
- Respect: Our children wanted to continue breastfeeding beyond age one, and while I began to feel less inclined myself, I respected their attachment. We approached weaning gradually, moving from nursing in public to designated times, which helped honor our nursing relationship.
- Calm: Toddlers can be energetic whirlwinds, and nursing provided a serene retreat multiple times a day. This likely contributed to fewer tantrums in our home.
- Body Image: This is somewhat superficial, but it’s worth mentioning. While not every woman loses weight while breastfeeding, I did. The baby weight disappeared, and I enjoyed a fuller shape during nursing. Although not a primary reason to continue, it was a nice bonus.
- Experience: I was breastfed until 2.5 years old, and my husband until around 4. We turned out just fine—no unusual attachments or obsessions. Many children I’ve known who nursed into toddlerhood are also perfectly normal.
- Confidence: Despite knowing that many consider extended breastfeeding odd, I felt assured in our choice. I had seen numerous moms nurse toddlers, and I was confident in the absence of negative effects from our experience. Supportive friends bolstered my confidence further.
If you met my children today, you wouldn’t even know they nursed until age three. They don’t remember it and have no issues stemming from it. Some children who nurse longer may retain memories, and that’s perfectly fine too. Our society’s discomfort with extended breastfeeding is largely cultural, and the arguments against it often lack substantial grounding.
I completely understand that not every mother wants to nurse that long, and I wouldn’t advocate for anyone to follow our path. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests at least one year, while the World Health Organization recommends two years or as long as mutually desired. However, these are guidelines, not strict rules. Some women cannot breastfeed, and that’s absolutely fine. Others may have personal reasons for not breastfeeding, or they may choose to nurse for less time than recommended.
It’s perfectly acceptable to nurse a child who can articulate that they want to nurse, even if they also consume solid foods. Weaning can also be a gradual process, tailored to what works for you and your child. Motherhood already comes with enough challenges without the added pressure of judgment. By sharing my reasons for extended breastfeeding, I hope to foster understanding among those who may find it unusual. If you have questions, feel free to ask—I’m here to help, accolade or not.
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Summary
The author shares her personal journey of breastfeeding her toddlers until age three, emphasizing the comfort, nutritional benefits, and cost-effectiveness of nursing. She addresses common misconceptions and outlines her genuine reasons for extended breastfeeding, highlighting the importance of personal choice in motherhood.