I recently shared a rather bold statement on social media, fearing it might lead to my online exile—or worse, my removal from the United States altogether. The post read:
“I just tried my annual Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) and, much to my chagrin, I still can’t understand the hype.”
I half-expected someone to knock on my door to strip me of my citizenship or whisk me away into witness protection.
Anticipating the inevitable backlash, I braced myself. PSL enthusiasts are a dedicated group, known for their fervor and lack of mercy. Yet, when I resurfaced online, I discovered I wasn’t alone. It turns out, there are plenty of us who share this pumpkin aversion and harbor some strong sentiments about it.
Here’s where this discussion might get contentious: you’re either on the pumpkin bandwagon or you’re hoping for its swift demise. Perhaps there’s room for harmony, but first, allow me a moment to vent.
To those who revel in all things pumpkin, let me acknowledge your victory. You win, hands down. I admit it. I envy your seasonal bounty of flavors, while my chocolate cravings feel woefully neglected this time of year.
Just to illustrate my point, let’s look at my mid-September errands:
Stop 1: Coffee Shop
Here we are at the birthplace of America’s pumpkin obsession—Starbucks. I knew I’d be that person ordering the only non-PSL drink. In fact, today the barista exclaimed, “Jamie? Your grande NOT PSL is ready!” This was met with shocked silence and a collective gasp from the 39 PSL devotees nearby, all jostling for their pumpkin fix.
Stop 2: Bagel Shop
It’s hard to ruin a bagel, especially in the NYC area. Yet, as I waited, I overheard a mother-daughter duo debating their options:
“I think I want the pumpkin bagel with plain cream cheese.”
“Or the plain bagel with pumpkin cream cheese.”
“Or both?”
It was a genuine conundrum for them. I was thankful for my earlier caffeine fix, allowing me to endure their pumpkin dilemma without an outburst.
Stop 3: Trader Joe’s
I adore Trader Joe’s seasonal offerings, but good grief. Rough estimates suggest that about 89.8% of their current inventory is pumpkin-themed. Pumpkin butter, pumpkin pancake mix, pumpkin spice granola, and yes—pumpkin dog treats. Can we just skip ahead to the holiday peppermint aisle? I can’t even enjoy the free samples anymore, which means I have to make my own breakfast.
Stop 4: Doctor’s Office
I’m not exaggerating. In the waiting room, a man excitedly called his daughter to announce he found Pumpkin Spice M&Ms at the store. I feared I was part of a hidden camera show. Who would dare alter M&Ms, the epitome of candy perfection?
Stop 5: Internet
After my errands, I returned home, only to be bombarded by an email from Pinterest promoting everything pumpkin. I clicked through the endless recipes, including:
- Pumpkin Cheesecake Crepes
- Pumpkin Crisp
- Pumpkin Snickerdoodles
- Pumpkin Pie Martinis
And the list goes on.
It’s clear that the pumpkin takeover is relentless, marking the new seasonal norm. But let’s not forget the true victims here: apples. Once the beloved autumn staple, they’ve been overshadowed. Sure, we may still go apple picking, but let’s admit it—pumpkins have claimed the crown.
As I wrap up my rant, I extend a half-hearted congratulations to Team Pumpkin. Relish your moment in the limelight, because soon enough, PSLs and their culinary counterparts will fade, making way for peppermint lattes and other seasonal delights.
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Summary:
In this humorous take on the pumpkin spice phenomenon, Jamie Lawson expresses her disdain for the seasonal obsession and highlights the overwhelming presence of pumpkin-flavored products in everyday life. While acknowledging the dominance of pumpkin enthusiasts, she reflects on the neglect of other fall flavors, particularly apples, and concludes with a tongue-in-cheek salute to Team Pumpkin.