When it comes to phone conversations, I’d honestly rather endure a slow paper cut or roll in a muddy puddle than engage in a chat. The dread is real. Thankfully, modern technology offers alternatives like texting and online communication, making it possible to avoid those awkward calls entirely—otherwise, I might never place a takeout order or catch up with friends. Sounds familiar? If so, you’ll likely identify with these struggles:
- Discovering a mistake on your credit card statement triggers sheer panic because it means you have to pick up the phone. Truth be told, if the amount is small enough, you’d rather just let it slide.
- Texting is the best invention since sliced bread, the wheel, and the airplane combined.
- You’re convinced your voice resembles that of a puppet, and no one can change your mind.
- Once you hang up, the details of the conversation vanish from your memory.
- Scheduling appointments—doctor visits, haircuts, or even your pet’s vet check-up—tends to fall behind, often by at least a year. Your kids may be on a delayed vaccination schedule, not due to choice but because you took half a year to gather the courage to call the pediatrician.
- Business calls can leave you in a near-catatonic state afterward, requiring a recovery period that might involve meditation or, more realistically, standing in front of an open freezer or stepping on a Lego.
- The advent of online pizza ordering felt like reaching a state of bliss for a fleeting moment.
- You harbor a special kind of disdain for telemarketers that far exceeds the average person’s annoyance. They rank right up there with individuals who mistreat animals.
- At some point, you have likely resorted to a shot of alcohol before making a call.
- Answering the phone is never an option, even when it’s someone you cherish. You’d much prefer to return the call later on your own terms.
- You once toyed with the idea of a career in sales but quickly found that notion laughable.
- You often forget the person on the other end can’t see your nods and shakes of the head, leading to awkward apologies that leave them scratching their heads.
- Being on hold is oddly comforting; at least you aren’t required to engage with anyone.
- Automated customer service systems don’t bother you that much either. Sure, the solution might take longer, but at least you’re spared the need to interact with a real person.
- Starting a conversation with “hello” is agonizing. How much small talk is necessary before diving into the main topic? Is it acceptable to ask about the kids, even if you can’t recall their names? And what about the weather—is it too mundane to mention?
- Actually, saying goodbye is even worse. How many “thank yous” are appropriate? How many “I’ll catch you laters” should you include? Why do conversations continue even after saying “bye”? And do you really need to say “bye” again once you’ve truly wrapped up?
- Regardless of who you’re speaking to, you always seem to blurt out “I love you” just before you end the call.
This article was originally published on Sep. 21, 2015.
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Summary:
Phone anxiety is a common issue that many individuals face, leading to various humorous and relatable challenges. From the dread of making calls to the comfort of texting, those with phone anxiety can often find solace in shared experiences. As technology advances, many have found ways to navigate their fears, but the complexities of phone conversations remain a source of stress for many.