Dear Little One,
I find myself at 28 and a half weeks of pregnancy, and I can hardly believe how swiftly the weeks have passed. Right now, I can feel your strength as you kick from within me. It’s surreal to think that I’m nearing the end of this journey, which has mostly been a smooth one for me. I’ve been fortunate—no morning sickness, minimal discomfort, and I believe I’ve managed my emotions quite well! Strangers have only recently begun to inquire about you, and while my friends can see my growing belly, I recognize that my experience pales in comparison to what many women endure.
Here’s the truth: despite carrying you for this long, I still don’t feel the connection I anticipated. I love you, but my feelings resemble the compassion I experience for a stranger in need rather than the deep bond I expected. It’s disheartening because you’re not just a stranger; I know your movements—you kick the heart monitor, then curl away from it. I know you’re most active at 11 p.m. and when I lay on my side. You often start your morning routine with a flurry of movements that make me feel like my insides are churning.
While I understand you’re not a stranger, it still feels as though I don’t truly know you yet. You are my daughter, but the full essence of our relationship feels yet to be realized. I have no doubt that everything will shift the moment I see your face and hear your cries. Imagining what you’ll look like brings forth a wave of emotions that I typically reserve for those I hold dear. But for now, you feel more like a passenger in my daily life, and I apologize for the stressful moments you’ve had to endure alongside me.
My fear of losing you is immense. “What if something happens to the baby?” is the most terrifying question I’ve faced. Digging into this fear, I recognize that my greatest concern is the possibility of never getting to know you. This is why I’m confident that my feelings will evolve after your birth.
So why am I writing to you about my lack of connection? Because, dear one, it’s something that often goes unspoken. In the age of social media, we see plenty of posts celebrating the joys of pregnancy and some discussing its challenges. Yet, none of the mothers in my circle have shared their feelings of disconnection. It’s not the norm to voice such sentiments. However, many women experience this, and it’s important to acknowledge it. A simple search can lead you to articles on ways to bond with your unborn child, as well as stories from others who have felt this way but found their emotional connection blossoming immediately after birth.
As I reflect on my experience, I realize that I might be one of the last expectant mothers people would suspect of feeling disconnected. But if you ever find yourself in this situation, I want you to know that it’s okay—this feeling is temporary, and it doesn’t define your worth as a mother.
I look forward to the day when our bond becomes undeniable.
With love,
Your Mom