It’s a strange feeling to realize someone has appropriated your identity. For me, it’s particularly poignant because I know precisely who the culprits are: my three rambunctious children. My name has been replaced by a series of playful monikers—“MOM!” “MAMA!” “MOMMY!” and on particularly exhausting days, “Mother,” often punctuated with a dramatic eye roll. This isn’t the woman I once was. Once, I was a vibrant, fiercely independent individual who paid no mind to crib safety or toddler tantrums. I went to bed when I pleased, enjoyed uninterrupted sleep, and shifted my living room decor on a whim. My free time was spent with friends, diving into novels, or binge-watching beloved films. My decisions were mine alone.
Now, I find myself consumed by concerns over my kids’ screen time and becoming emotional over lost teeth. Bedtime has become a nightly battle as my little ones protest against sleep like it’s a medieval punishment. I can barely muster the energy to tidy the house, much less rearrange furniture. Free time? What’s that? Every choice I make now hinges on how it will impact three little lives.
These delightful little rascals have truly taken over my identity.
Yet, amusingly enough, I don’t actually want my former self back. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. There are moments—typically when I’m exhausted and inundated with kid chaos—when I fantasize about my life before motherhood. But those thoughts are fleeting. I wouldn’t trade my current life for anything, except perhaps a bit of privacy.
As a mother, my sense of privacy is continually compromised. From the moment my first child was conceived, my body ceased to be solely mine. Although I remember the moment those umbilical cords were cut, it feels as if there’s an unbreakable connection that ties my kids to me wherever I go in the house.
If I wake up early for some quiet time, they awaken too. If I step out for a phone call, they trail behind. The concept of meditating? Hilarious! Enjoying a peaceful bathroom break? That’s a laugh! Showering without an audience? Those days are a distant memory. My kids have seen me in various states of undress so often that I fear they might need therapy one day, and it will be entirely their doing.
People frequently inquire if I have concerns about privacy as a writer online. I do have some, but they pale in comparison to my daily struggles for privacy at home. Unfortunately, there’s no one to turn to for help. “That’s motherhood for you,” is the typical response.
Thank goodness for their adorable faces!
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In summary, motherhood comes with its unique challenges, not the least of which is the loss of one’s personal identity and privacy. However, the joy and love that children bring can make these sacrifices worthwhile.