When I was a child, music filled me with dread. I adored singing and longed to be skilled at it, but my pitch was horrendous. Despite this, I pushed through lessons, attempting to echo the melodies my teachers demonstrated, all while battling intense anxiety. Each session ended with me drenched in sweat. Why was it so hard to reproduce a simple major scale? When my teacher would play do-re-mi and gaze at me expectantly, I felt my heart race and my palms sweat—my desire to succeed clashing with my reality. Eventually, I abandoned music for nearly two decades.
Recently, my son had his first violin lesson. The teacher began by singing a scale and asked him to repeat it. At first, he didn’t grasp what to do and resisted (he’s just five, after all). After some encouragement, he mustered the courage to sing back the notes. From the kitchen, I felt my own anxiety bubbling up. Yet, he didn’t seem particularly stressed; he was more puzzled than anything, and afterward, he joyfully sang songs for me.
Research indicates that parents can inadvertently transmit their anxieties—especially regarding math—to their children. According to a recent study highlighted by Claire Johnson on KQED’s Mindshift blog, parents with significant math anxiety who frequently assist with their children’s math homework can pass on that stress. Children experiencing math anxiety often show heightened activity in the part of the brain that processes negative emotions, while their problem-solving regions become less active. This fear can severely hamper their ability to tackle math challenges.
Interestingly, the more often math-anxious parents help with homework, the more anxiety their kids may develop. It’s logical: If tackling math feels like a high-pressure, sweat-inducing ordeal for you, your child isn’t likely to view it as an enjoyable challenge. Instead, they may associate math with frustration, particularly if they sense your anxiety when grappling with “order of operations” or other concepts.
This issue is particularly relevant today, as children are being taught math differently than previous generations. The introduction of Common Core standards has shifted the pedagogical approach to be more intuitive, diverging from the memorization techniques many of us grew up with. This can leave parents feeling bewildered when trying to assist with homework, amplifying their anxiety.
What Can We Do?
One approach might be to allow children to tackle their math assignments independently or seek help from a tutor or their teacher. Another option is for parents to educate themselves about these new methods. The study’s lead author suggested that providing resources for parents could facilitate effective assistance at home.
I recently resumed music lessons, and my older age, combined with a gentle, understanding teacher, has significantly alleviated my anxiety. Still, I worry about passing on my fears to my son. I hope we can enjoy music together without the pressure of perfection.
Similarly, I remember my own struggles with math, which caused me significant stress. I hope that my son can navigate his academic challenges with a sense of calm, embracing the joy of learning without being overwhelmed by fear.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while we may unintentionally pass on our anxieties to our children, it is possible to foster a healthier relationship with subjects like math and music. We can encourage their curiosity and resilience, ensuring they can approach challenges with confidence.
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