Dear New Parent,
Welcome to the incredible journey of parenthood! Congratulations on your beautiful new baby! Since announcing your pregnancy, you’ve probably been inundated with advice about parenting—some of it valuable, some of it questionable, and much of it downright strange. While you may feel tempted to nod along and disregard most of what you hear, there’s one crucial piece of advice I urge you to consider in the coming weeks and months:
It’s perfectly fine to simply say “no.”
In the next few weeks, life may feel a bit chaotic—don’t fret; this is entirely normal. Your world has been transformed in the most delightful way. Initially, you’ll likely experience fatigue, anxiety, and a focus that revolves solely around caring for your baby. And that’s absolutely fine. In these early days, people understand. Neighbors might drop off casseroles, relatives may help out with laundry, and friends will bring cute outfits, insisting you take a nap while they hold your little one. During this time, no one will judge the dirty dishes or the unkempt yard, and no one will expect you to bake or organize anything. Treasure these moments—they’re challenging, but if you have supportive loved ones, you can take a breather and concentrate on what truly matters.
However, something amusing occurs as your baby reaches the one-month milestone. While your little one remains in their eat, sleep, and diaper-changing routine, those around you seem to forget that your life has changed drastically. To others—especially those without children—a month might seem like plenty of time for you to return to your pre-baby commitments. Yet, re-engaging with that previous life can feel overwhelming.
Take, for instance, last fall when you baked dozens of cookies for the community bake sale. This year, simply finding the time to gather the ingredients feels like an insurmountable task. It’s okay to just say “no.”
Or remember how you organized your cousin’s bridal shower last year? Now, with your mind foggy from sleepless nights, even sorting laundry seems like a monumental effort, let alone planning a gathering for thirty guests. Again, it’s okay to just say “no.”
And yes, catching up over lunch with college friends sounds rejuvenating, but you’re rightfully concerned about exposing your baby to germs, and the venue lacks space for a car seat. It’s perfectly fine to just say “no.”
You have every right to decline invitations because it’s nap time, because you’re simply too exhausted, or because you feel unprepared to take on more. You can say “no” if your baby has a rough afternoon, if you want to savor each moment before returning to work, or if breastfeeding remains a challenge and you want to devote your efforts to that.
It’s completely valid to say “no” because you prefer to keep your newborn away from crowds, or because you anticipate it might be too noisy, or simply because you yearn for a peaceful evening at home with your partner. Whatever your reasons may be, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s absolutely acceptable to just say “no.”
Whether you choose to decline politely or firmly, whether you provide an explanation or keep it simple, make sure you refrain from agreeing when you truly mean “no.”
Being a mother is demanding at any stage, but the early days of caring for a newborn or toddler are particularly intense. Don’t carry guilt for prioritizing your baby, yourself, and your family. As time goes on, you’ll find yourself saying “yes” again, and before long, the times you agree will surpass the times you decline.
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Summary: Embrace the chaos of new parenthood by recognizing your limits and feeling empowered to say “no.” Prioritize your well-being and that of your baby, without guilt. Over time, your ability to engage in social commitments will return, but for now, focus on what truly matters.