Finding my way to marriage was far from a straightforward path. It took seven years to reach the engagement stage, and nine years after that, we strolled down a rose petal-strewn aisle to exchange vows. The years leading up to that moment were fraught with challenges. After nearly 13 years together, I won’t pretend that our relationship was a fairy-tale romance that blossomed instantly. It was a journey, marked by the contrast between a man uncertain of his desires and a woman who had a clear vision for her future.
I yearned for a marriage, a home filled with love, and eventually, a child—perhaps even a dog. Today, my aspirations have shifted toward ensuring our toddler grows up in a better environment, away from the “crack alley” across the street. While it may seem simple to wish for a better life for our family, our reality has never been simple. We love fiercely, and we argue just as passionately. Every decision we make is charged with emotion; our passion is undeniable.
It’s easy for outsiders to glance at our wedding photos and assume we are perpetually happy. In one such image, I am kissing my husband, adorned in a champagne-colored wedding dress, and it’s easy to declare, “They are blissful.” And yes, we were filled with joy on that day. When the reverend declared us husband and wife, my loud exclamation of “Thank you!” echoed through the church. I was overjoyed and grateful.
However, what those wedding pictures fail to reveal are the struggles—the blood, sweat, tears, and even the frustration that led us to that moment on a sweltering July evening. I refuse to sugarcoat our marriage. Like motherhood, it requires constant dedication and effort.
There have been moments when either of us felt like giving up. We’ve sat facing each other, each proclaiming, “I hate you,” and we meant it. There were times one of us walked out the door, and yet we’ve never truly broken up for more than a day. We’ve always found our way back to one another.
Through those moments of anger, I learned to love again. I invested deeply in our relationship, and ultimately, I learned to invest in myself. I focused on my health and self-worth, embracing the skin I inhabit and the soul within it.
Before I married him, I had to fully embrace self-love. Surprisingly, he loved me even when I struggled with self-acceptance. I remember a time when I weighed a hundred pounds more and questioned how he could possibly desire me. I despised my own body, hiding away my insecurities. Yet he looked beyond the surface and cherished the person I was inside.
He stood by me through my darkest moments—when I battled addiction, when I forgot to pick him up in the rain, and when I lashed out after a night of drinking. He loved me during my lowest points, even when I stumbled and fell far from grace. And despite everything, he still chose to start a family with me. I’ve played many roles in life, but through them all, his love remained constant.
Through his unwavering support, I transformed into the mother I always aspired to be. People see our smiles in photos and the joy I share on social media, but they are oblivious to the hardships we’ve faced.
Becoming his girlfriend, then his wife, and finally, the mother of our child has been a journey defined by hard work and resilience, surviving moments when we could have chosen to part ways. Today, as we engage with our child and share tender moments, I find myself grateful for our relentless determination.
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Summary:
My journey to marriage was filled with challenges and profound growth. After years of ups and downs, we eventually found our way to the altar. Our relationship, marked by passion and dedication, required hard work and resilience. Through struggles with self-acceptance and addiction, my partner’s unwavering love helped me become the person I aspired to be. Our family’s happiness is the result of our collective efforts and determination.