Parenting
Embracing the Bright Side of Your 40s
by Emily Carter
Updated: Aug. 23, 2019
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2015
I first recognized that women in their middle age often feel overlooked during my teenage years when my grandmother, in her 50s, would advise me to handle customer service interactions myself. She claimed that since turning 40, she had become invisible.
As a child, I understood invisibility well. Then, during my teenage years, I suddenly found myself in the spotlight, which was exhilarating. The thought of losing that attention was disheartening, but it seemed far off, and I never truly believed it would happen. I had youthful concerns to occupy my mind, and the idea of being over 40 felt unreal.
Fast forward to reality: at 43, I was a new mother, grappling with the physical aftermath of pregnancy that left my body looking like a war zone. Years spent in a cycle of pregnancy and postpartum left me donning clothes that would have horrified my younger self, even when they were splattered with baby spit-up. Wearing spandex undergarments became my new normal—a far cry from the laughter I once shared with my grandmother over her girdles.
In my early 40s, I began to fear that the invisibility associated with having multiple children in quick succession would transition seamlessly into the invisibility of middle age.
However, during a professional conference in my mid-40s, my perspective began to shift. I encountered two women: one in her 20s, radiating youthful beauty with her dewy skin, and another in her 50s, tall and elegant, her dark hair tastefully streaked with gray. Her outfit was both chic and flattering, complemented by stunning jewelry and manicured toenails peeking out from her peep-toe heels. It was refreshing to see a woman who embraced her age and looked fabulous doing so. My colleagues shared my admiration.
Observing these two women provided me with a sense of tranquility. I realized that while the beauty of youth was behind me, the allure of age was ahead, and that acceptance stemmed from our active participation in the discussions, unlike the quieter young woman whose confidence seemed to wane. At that moment, I understood that what I offered in conversation mattered more than my appearance.
Contrary to my earlier fears, my 40s did not become a decade of invisibility. After welcoming my fourth and final child, I managed to shed the baby weight—yet again—and even reached a level of fitness superior to my younger self. While I may not turn as many heads as before, I still catch the gaze of a few admirers, and they’re not exclusively gray or balding.
Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert argues that we are constantly evolving, yet we often believe we have already reached our final state. We struggle to envision ourselves a decade into the future. My teenage self could never have predicted who I would become at 40, and I’m uncertain about what 50 will bring. But rather than dread it, I choose to appreciate the fabulousness of my 40s and look forward to my 50s with excitement rather than trepidation.
For those interested in the journey of motherhood and self-insemination, check out resources like this excellent article for more information on the topic, as well as this insightful post about home insemination kits. Additionally, Intracervical Insemination is a great authority on advocacy efforts in this field.
In summary, the 40s can be a time of renewal and acceptance rather than the invisibility that many fear. Embrace this decade as a valuable chapter in your life, marked by personal growth and newfound confidence.