Updated: May 28, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2015
He’s finally closed his eyes, worn out from the night shift he just finished. As he drifts into a deep sleep, the sudden blaze of lights jolts him awake. The alarm shrieks, cutting through the stillness, prompting him to rub his eyes and listen closely to the urgent announcements blaring from the PA system. In less than 90 seconds, he’s suited up and ready. The cacophony of sirens and flashing lights fills the firehouse, and his heart races in sync with the adrenaline coursing through him. He’s a firefighter—his duty, his calling.
Back at home, my mind is consumed with thoughts of him. As I engage with our daughter, prepare dinner, bathe her, and settle her into bed, I can’t help but think of her wish to hug and kiss Daddy goodnight. Even after our earlier goodnight, I send him one last text, knowing he’s likely already asleep. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I check my phone—no reply. Climbing into our empty bed, the absence of his presence still feels strange, even after seven years.
I try to drown out my worries with television, but my thoughts keep drifting back to him. Night shifts are the toughest. Just as I begin to surrender to sleep, my phone lights up, and I see his message: “I love you too.” A wave of relief washes over me. For now, he’s safe, and I can finally rest.
Living as a firefighter’s wife means embracing a unique reality. While he prepares for his shift, I prepare myself as well. I am acutely aware of the dangers he faces—he’s the one running into burning structures while others flee, willingly stepping into perilous situations to protect those in need. He drives through traffic to assist those who require aid, embodying courage and selflessness.
I experience the highs and lows of his life, yet I don’t see through his eyes or share his thoughts. I don’t live his experiences, but my love and support for him remain unwavering. Witnessing the aftermath of a traumatic shift can be heartbreaking. The sadness and heaviness that linger on his shoulders and the unspoken words in his eyes often leave me feeling powerless. There’s no magical remedy to heal the scars he carries, to erase the memories that haunt him.
What can I do? I can embrace him and offer love. I can gently wake him from nightmares and share tears when tragedy strikes. But I’m also there for the moments of joy. My heart swells with pride when he returns home with that special look in his eyes—a look that tells me he made a difference, he saved a life, he helped someone in need. Those moments make the risks worthwhile.
Our daughter may not fully grasp the nature of her father’s work, but she proudly announces, “My daddy is a firefighter. He helps people.” One day she will understand the gravity of his job. I anticipate her worries and fears, and when that time comes, we will be there to listen and reassure her. I’m not sure how that conversation will unfold, but it will require a lot of love and understanding.
With every shift, I find myself praying for his safety. Worrying is a struggle I try to manage, yet it’s nearly impossible to avoid. While there are many benefits to his profession, the truth remains that he risks his life each time he goes to work. He leaves behind those who love him dearly to protect strangers. Firefighters are brave and honorable individuals, balancing their physical and emotional challenges with moments of laughter and triumph.
There’s no guide for marriage, nor is there one for being a firefighter’s wife. We take each shift as it comes, facing challenges together. While I may never fully understand all he endures, standing by his side and providing unwavering love sustains us both.
In our household, we have two essential rules before he departs for a shift, and I recommend these to every family:
- Never part on bad terms.
- Always share a goodbye kiss.
We never know if we will see each other again after his shift, and we never want to regret our last words or actions. After all, nobody wants that.
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Summary:
Being a firefighter’s wife presents unique challenges and experiences. From the anxiety of night shifts to the pride in their accomplishments, this role requires resilience and love. While there’s no handbook for this life, guidelines such as never parting on bad terms and always sharing a goodbye kiss can foster a stronger bond. Embracing both the joys and struggles together is what makes this journey worthwhile.