As a child, I often heard older women in my family, like my grandmother, who would coyly claim to be 29 whenever someone asked her age. Sometimes it was a clear joke, while other times, people seemed to genuinely believe her. She was a youthful grandmother, after all—only 39 when I arrived—and always appeared stunning for her years. My aunts would sometimes play the same game, with my mother likely joining in on the act occasionally.
Growing up, I witnessed the women closest to me hiding their ages as if it were something to be ashamed of. I always thought their behavior was comical. However, when I hit 40, I found myself momentarily unsettled by the sound of that number and considered the idea of lying about my age. Ultimately, I realized there was no reason to hide; being 40 was significantly better than being 29.
The Whirlwind of My 20s
The 20s are a whirlwind of confusion. During that decade, I oscillated between clinging to my childhood and grappling with the responsibilities of adulthood. Every time I attempted something “grown-up,” like hosting a dinner party, I felt like I was merely playing a role, as if my 20s were merely a rehearsal for real life.
In my 20s, I faced immense pressure to meet societal milestones: finding a partner, getting engaged, having a grand wedding, purchasing a home, and starting a family. I constantly compared myself to others, feeling like a late bloomer who was still figuring out my path. I spent a decade anxiously questioning every decision—big and small—wondering if I was on the right track.
Reflections on Turning 30
I laugh now, but turning 30 filled me with dread. Looking back, the anxiety surrounding that milestone was far more intense than my feelings about reaching 40. At 29, I felt like a failure. I wasn’t married, didn’t have children, and my career was underwhelming. The ticking biological clock loomed over me, and I feared I was headed toward a lonely future, living at the end of the street with a horde of cats. At that time, my self-esteem was at an all-time low.
The Shift in My 40s
Now, in my 40s, everything has shifted. The best aspect of growing older is that I finally feel a sense of relief. The pressure is gone: I’m married, I have a child, and I did return to school, which turned out to be one of my best choices. I discovered my passion for writing. I’ve ticked off all those milestones, albeit later than expected, and they turned out to be less important than my 29-year-old self imagined.
For me, this decade is one of celebration. I’m officially done with school—no more algebra or term papers ever again! I have a career I adore, which means I can afford groceries instead of living off ramen noodles. The frantic need to meet societal expectations for marriage and children in a limited timeframe has vanished. I’m thrilled to have my daughter, and I’ve completely shattered the constraints of my biological clock. From now on, intimacy is purely for enjoyment! Plus, I only have a few more years of dealing with my period—trust me, that’s fantastic news.
The Rewards of Wisdom
The most rewarding part of my 40s is that I feel youthful, vibrant, and healthy, while also possessing the wisdom that comes with age. This wisdom has taught me to prioritize my well-being. No more Twinkies for dinner or late-night escapades. It’s about maintaining fitness, cultivating calmness, and avoiding unnecessary drama.
More importantly, I’ve learned to fulfill my own needs rather than waiting for someone else to do it. I am in the best mental and physical shape of my life. It’s amusing; at 29, I dreaded aging. Now that I’ve embraced this stage, I see middle age and its accompanying freedoms as a true blessing. I’m ready to don my age like a crown.
Looking Ahead
I’m proud to have reached this point and look forward to what lies ahead. Instead of stressing about fitting into a mold of adulthood, I can now focus on enjoying life, seeking adventures, exploring the world, and creating fulfilling experiences with my daughter. When asked my age, I proudly share it; I’ve learned many lessons in my youth, but I’m grateful to have moved beyond it.
In summary, turning 40 has been liberating and fulfilling. The pressures and anxieties of my 20s have faded, replaced by a confidence and clarity that allow me to enjoy life on my terms.