Parenting Insights
Updated: April 15, 2021
Originally Published: August 28, 2015
Recently, my husband and I took our 14-year-old daughter, Mia, on a week-long trip to the stunning North Shore of Oahu. While some parents might dread spending an entire week cooped up in a condo with a teenager, we actually find Mia to be quite pleasant. She’s generally calm, respectful to her parents, teachers, and friends, and her eye-rolling is minimal.
Having enjoyed a week of relaxation on the Big Island prior to this trip, we were all set to show Mia a wonderful time. We’re quite familiar with the North Shore’s charm, especially its laid-back atmosphere. However, it quickly became apparent that Mia felt uneasy. She expressed feeling “out of place” and was preoccupied with worries about sun exposure—something I happily handled. She seemed unable to truly immerse herself in her surroundings, which was concerning. From my own teenage years, I recall leisure time being relatively enjoyable.
Mia, however, appeared to be lost in a whirlwind of internal thoughts—concerns about school, applying to high schools, and the ISEE exams. I reassured her that those worries could wait until we returned home, but she remained unconvinced.
During a stroll along the beach in Haleiwa, where Hawaiian Sea Turtles famously sunbathe, I hoped to draw her attention to the beauty around us. She glanced at the turtles, acknowledged their presence, and promptly turned back to the condo.
The following day at Sunset Beach was no different. She fretted about the waves, which were actually quite tame, and complained about the hot sand. Despite her grumblings about needing assistance with her boogie board, we decided to carry on, believing that if we continued to enjoy ourselves, she might eventually join in.
The turning point came at Waimea Bay, a place that transforms during summer from a surf haven to a family-friendly paradise. Here, you could swim safely, snorkel, and even spot dolphins. One of the main attractions is the massive rock that rises from the beach, where daredevils jump into the water below.
Mia had previously dismissed the idea of jumping off the rock, claiming it “wasn’t her thing.” Yet, upon arriving, she couldn’t help but glance over at the hesitant thrill-seekers perched atop, watching younger kids take the plunge. Eventually, she declared to my husband, “I’m going to jump off that rock.” With some trepidation, she climbed up and took the leap.
To her surprise, she emerged from the water unscathed, later likening her landing to “hitting a bidet on the highest setting.” Her mood visibly brightened, and it was clear that the experience had jolted her back into the moment.
I hope that by observing her parents enjoying simple pleasures like swimming and snorkeling, Mia can relearn the art of relaxation. Throughout much of our vacation, she resembled a stressed-out executive rather than a carefree teenager. I realize that opportunities for spontaneous joy may not always present themselves, and perhaps the most crucial lesson I can impart is the importance of play.
In the grand scheme, it’s essential to embrace moments of joy and allow oneself the freedom to unwind.
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Summary:
Teaching a 14-year-old girl to embrace play can be challenging, especially when she feels overwhelmed by life’s pressures. Through a family trip to Oahu, lessons in relaxation and spontaneity unfold, highlighting the importance of rediscovering joy in everyday moments.