A few weeks ago, while recounting a particularly intense episode involving my son’s meltdowns to my therapist, she kindly suggested, “Focus on compassion during these moments.” At that time, I found myself questioning her sanity. My son is autistic, and there are days when just maintaining composure is a Herculean task. His meltdowns aren’t mere tantrums; they’re full-blown crises, and he needs me to offer comfort right after he has spent an exhausting half-hour screaming or lashing out. The only way I can stay calm and manage the chaos is by emotionally detaching myself from the situation, allowing me to respond with care.
Reflecting on Compassion
As time progressed, I reflected on my therapist’s advice. Was it wrong to disengage emotionally during such episodes? Should I prioritize compassion in the aftermath rather than just venting my frustrations? What does it even mean to be compassionate while someone is frantically expressing their distress?
After considerable thought, I reached several conclusions:
- Therapists without children may not have the best parenting insights.
- Those unfamiliar with autism should be cautious when giving related advice.
- I reject the notion that I must always feel compassion.
The Reality of Meltdowns
While the idea of “focusing on compassion” sounds lovely, there are moments when it simply isn’t practical. Sometimes, just getting through a meltdown requires every ounce of strength and resilience. It’s important to later reflect on your child’s experience, but equally essential is processing your own feelings about what transpired. Suppressing my emotions while solely concentrating on my child’s needs doesn’t lead to good outcomes. Parenting is about finding a balance between self-care and caring for your children. Acknowledging my frustrations and grief allows me to deal with them, ultimately making me a healthier parent.
Acting with Compassion
I believe in compassion and strive to incorporate it into my parenting. However, I don’t need to feel it in every moment to express it. During those meltdowns, I manage to act compassionately by holding it together and enduring the storm. When the chaos subsides, I welcome my son with open arms, regardless of how drained or frustrated I might feel. It’s my behavior that counts, and that’s a lesson I hope to pass down to my children.
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Conclusion
In summary, while compassion is crucial in parenting, it’s equally vital to recognize and process one’s own feelings. Balancing personal emotions with the needs of your child can lead to healthier and more effective parenting.