Updated: June 16, 2018
Originally Published: Aug. 27, 2015
It’s astonishing how often I encounter fathers claiming they are “babysitting” their own children. “On Saturday, I was babysitting Alex and Jamie so my partner could finally take a shower this week.” Or I overhear someone refer to a dad caring for his child as just a babysitter. This notion is fundamentally flawed. If you are a father or the legal guardian of a child, you cannot be babysitting.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “babysit” as “to take care of a child while the child’s parents are away.” Thus, it is impossible to babysit your own child. The moments fathers spend with their kids—serving meals, changing diapers, playing with toys, or even enforcing rules about not licking strangers—are all part of parenting.
You might think it’s just a matter of semantics, but the words we choose matter. When a father describes his time with his child as babysitting, he diminishes his role as a permanent parent and the long-term responsibility that comes with it. Creating or adopting a child means you are responsible for that individual until they reach adulthood at 18.
Babysitting is temporary—an hour, a night, or a weekend. Parenting, on the other hand, is a lifelong commitment that begins the moment your child enters your life and continues until your own life ends. It’s like a pact made with a spit-shake, and those should be taken seriously.
Labeling fathers as merely temporary substitutes for mothers is not only unfair but also perpetuates sexism against both genders. As a woman and a mother, it sends the message that women should be the primary caregivers, while dads are merely stand-ins who lack the capability to engage meaningfully with children. The stereotype implies that leaving a child with their father could lead to chaos and disaster, as if he’s incapable of handling the responsibilities of parenthood.
Meanwhile, men are often made to feel inadequate in their parenting abilities. My husband has expressed that when he’s alone with the kids, he feels like he’s walking a tightrope, one that might lead to disaster for which he would be criticized upon my return to a home resembling a scene from a wild party. This suggests that it’s acceptable for everything to fall apart while I’m gone because domestic duties aren’t his area of expertise.
In the end, this narrative shortchanges everyone involved. Men are not incapable of being excellent parents, and women have lives outside of motherhood. Most importantly, children should not be viewed as checkboxes to be checked off. Referring to parenting as babysitting carries a negative connotation, often heard by the children themselves. Phrases like “Stuck babysitting the kids tonight, huh? And there’s no pay involved” illustrate this point. In the dad’s defense, he looked genuinely shocked.
If given the opportunity and the expectation of participating fully, most fathers would engage in all aspects of parenting—without needing excessive encouragement. So let’s say goodbye to babysitting and embrace the true role of dads as parents.
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In conclusion, let’s shift the narrative from babysitting to parenting, acknowledging the vital role fathers play in their children’s lives.