It’s curious how, as the years pass, we often find a deeper sense of self-acceptance, even when time seems to offer fewer reasons for it. In our youth, when we’re often at our most attractive, we’re riddled with insecurities and discontent. One of the perks of aging, as Helen Mirren puts it, is the ability to release certain burdens.
I think everyone experiences that jarring moment when you catch a glimpse of yourself reflected in someone else’s eyes, and it’s not always flattering.
I participate in a weekly trivia night with my colleagues, many of whom are younger. They appreciate having me on their team for my knowledge of obscure topics like ancient Sanskrit deities, 70s rock, and odd pop culture trivia. We indulge in a bit too much drinking, snack on fried delights, and occasionally fabricate answers just to see how many folks we can mislead. A few weeks ago, one of the younger women forgot her wallet, so I covered her tab, making sure to tease her as I handed my card to the server.
“It’s okay,” he said to her, “sometimes my mom has to bail me out too.”
Yes, indeed. He’s alive and well, largely because I’m old enough to be both her and his mother.
I was aware of this age gap, but it has been gnawing at me ever since. It’s even more unsettling because I recently shared a post about body image, complete with a full-body photo, and openly stated my age.
I’m 47. Why did I do that? Now I can already hear people saying things like “She looks great for her age” or “I can’t believe she still dresses like that or takes photos like that at her age.” Do only pretentious people say “tech-savvy”?
Next, they’ll start calling me “spirited.” And then comes menopause. That’s the stage where you supposedly surrender everything—sexuality, vitality, sanity—and then fade away?
A Quick Google Search Reveals a List of So-Called Benefits of Menopause:
- No more periods.
- You’ll be thrilled about that.
- No need for feminine hygiene products.
- Yay!
- You can’t get pregnant!
- Yay!
- No more periods! Isn’t that nice?
- No PMS because, well…
- No periods!
- Hooray!
One article even features women in their 50s, proclaiming them as the “fresh face” of menopause. Yet, every woman on that list has undergone some form of plastic surgery. I’m all for self-care, but please don’t tell me “50 is the new 30” and back it up with examples of those clinging to unrealistic beauty ideals.
Can’t we simply embrace 50 as the new 50? It won’t be easy, and I fully expect that, in the coming years, I’ll have at least one freak-out moment reminiscent of “Death Becomes Her.” Growing up, I often heard a certain Oil of Olay spokesperson confidently declare, “I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I intend to fight it every step of the way.” They’re talking about face cream, not scaling mountains. Isn’t that ridiculous? The way they wrap a faux-feminist twist around an insipid concept?
My perspective now, which contrasts sharply with how I viewed things at 30, is that we gain so much by nurturing our health, well-being, and connections with others. In contrast, spending a fortune on creams, makeup, injections, or surgeries to uphold a deceitful standard of beauty leads only to disappointment. This cultural expectation has set us up for failure from the moment we bought into it.
But don’t mind me. I’m just spirited.
This piece initially appeared on The Sisterwives.
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In summary, aging offers a unique perspective on beauty and self-acceptance. Embracing our true selves, rather than chasing unattainable ideals, leads to a more fulfilling experience as we navigate the complexities of life.