Today marks our ninth wedding anniversary. Given that we reside in Los Angeles, where relationships seem as disposable as a used coffee cup, this milestone is quite the achievement. Such a duration deserves a grand celebration—but, of course, we haven’t organized anything.
To illustrate the contrasts between celebrating your anniversary before and after children, I’ve compiled a list.
Before Kids:
In the lead-up to your anniversary, you eagerly discuss how to commemorate your love.
After Kids:
You’re so lost in the whirlwind of parenting that you completely forget the date. On the night before your anniversary, one of you opens the calendar app to schedule a dentist appointment for your little one, only to discover that tomorrow is actually your special day.
Before Kids:
You reminisce over your wedding album, sharing laughs and tears while reliving the highlights of your big day.
After Kids:
Your wedding album is likely lost in the chaos of your home, possibly misplaced during the transition of your office into a nursery for your unexpected second child. It’s conceivable that you accidentally donated it, and now a stranger has it for a mere fifty cents. Even if you could locate it, any attempt to look through it together would likely be interrupted by a child spilling food on the cherished photo of your first kiss as a married couple.
Before Kids:
You meticulously plan a romantic evening, perhaps at a chic restaurant featuring a multi-course tasting menu, complete with cocktails and fine wine. Reservations are made weeks in advance, and you ask for the most intimate table.
After Kids:
Realizing your anniversary is just a day away sends you into a frantic search for a babysitter. After several attempts, you finally find someone available—until 9 p.m. You haven’t dined out without a child in almost three years, so you settle for any restaurant that serves decent food, has alcohol, and can accommodate you on short notice. Romantic table? You’ll take whatever you can get.
Before Kids:
You take the time to look your best. New outfits, manicured nails, and a fresh haircut are all part of the preparation.
After Kids:
If you’re fortunate, your kids nap at the same time, allowing you a quick shower. If you’re even luckier, you’ll manage to shave your legs. A pedicure? That’s a distant memory. You’ll likely wear something that fits reasonably well and is clean enough, but forget about the bikini wax; if your partner can handle the reality of childbirth, he can certainly deal with the current situation down there.
Before Kids:
You savor a lengthy dinner filled with wine pairings, just tipsy enough to return home for an unforgettable night of intimacy. You might even entertain the idea of adding to your family, talking about how wonderful life will be with children.
After Kids:
You hurriedly eat mediocre food to ensure you’re back in time for the babysitter’s next gig. After a couple of glasses of wine, you feel tipsy enough to risk dozing off during the Uber ride home. Once inside, you scramble to calculate the babysitter’s fee (it’s always more than you expect) and attempt to sneak into your bedroom without waking the kids. After a brief encounter, you both hope not to fall asleep from exhaustion. By the time you drift off, you haven’t even removed your makeup or brushed your teeth, but you manage to mumble your love for each other.
This article was originally published on August 26, 2015.
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Summary
Celebrating a wedding anniversary transforms significantly after having children. The carefree planning and romantic evenings of pre-kid life give way to chaotic last-minute arrangements and a very different experience. Yet, through the challenges, love and connection remain at the core of the journey.