Adopting a child can be one of the most transformative experiences in life, but what happens if you don’t feel that immediate bond?
When I adopted my son from China at the age of three, I was unprepared for the emotional whirlwind that would ensue. One moment, he was in the comfort of his orphanage, and the next, he was thrust into a reality filled with unfamiliar faces and a loud, red-haired woman who spoke a different language—me.
That day, he lost all that was familiar, including the caregiver who had been with him since birth. While I had spent months eagerly anticipating this moment and imagining the love I would feel, the reality of his frail condition hit hard. The pictures I had poured over did not reveal the whole truth; he was underweight and had undiagnosed medical issues. Instead of instant love, I was overcome with panic, guilt, and a sense of overwhelm. I remember sitting in the hotel bathroom, feeling utterly lost and questioning my ability to be his mother.
As we navigated this new life together, filled with endless doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions, I began to see my son adjust. He learned to trust us, picked up English quickly, and even developed a healthy appetite. Meanwhile, I grappled with my feelings of doubt, wondering if I could ever truly love him.
It was a conscious decision to embrace my role as his mother. I remembered the advice of social workers about bonding and realized that it wasn’t just about the child; it was a journey for me, too. I had to choose to love him, even when it felt forced.
Seven months later, I found myself in a moment that changed everything. My son called me over while watching TV and patted the couch for me to join him. I paused my busy day and sat down, feeling the warmth of his small body on my lap. “Mommy, we best friends,” he announced, and in that instant, I understood. My affection for him was genuine and spontaneous. We had crossed a bridge that once felt insurmountable; I had made that leap from obligation to love.
Our journey has not been without challenges, and it is far from a fairy tale. Yet, I cherish the bond we have forged, knowing that love, when nurtured, can blossom even from the most difficult beginnings.
Adoption is a choice that reshapes lives. While I initially thought I chose to love my son, I realize now that love chose me in the end.
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In summary, love may not come instantly with adoption, but through patience and commitment, it can grow in unexpected ways. Embracing this journey is vital for both parent and child to truly thrive together.