Updated: Dec. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 16, 2015
Optimism can be a double-edged sword, especially when I overestimate my children’s ability to remain quiet during a 45-minute work call. Summer vacations, after-school chaos, and a seemingly endless string of early-release days make for a perfect storm of distractions. Just when I think I’ve found a quiet moment, my son decides to whip up a grilled cheese sandwich, triggering the smoke alarm. Suddenly, a horde of extra kids appears at my door, and my daughter dramatically performs a scene worthy of an Oscar due to a hangnail.
This is why I often find myself making work calls in, shall we say, unconventional spots—thankfully, most of my clients prefer audio over video.
1. The Closet
When all else fails, I retreat to the closet. Three locked doors stand between me and my little distractions. If the situation gets dire, hiding behind the winter coats provides an extra sound barrier—though I can’t claim to know this from past experience or anything.
2. The Backyard
Sometimes the closet feels like a mile away, and as the noise level rises, the back door becomes my closest escape. I might wander into the woods behind my house to find a moment of peace, even if it means receiving puzzled looks from neighbors who see me pacing and talking on the phone. On one memorable occasion, I spent 20 minutes outside in frigid 20-degree weather—sans shoes or coat—while presenting to 60 people, all while my dogs barked at imaginary foes on the porch. Lesson learned: always wear shoes for an emergency escape.
3. Disneyworld/The Children’s Museum/The Zoo
This scenario contradicts my goal of spending quality time with my kids, yet every time I take a random day off, chaos strikes. We find a semi-quiet corner, pull out the gadgets, and I assure myself that I’ll make a quick call. But inevitably, the loudspeaker blares, “Polar bear feeding in five minutes!” shattering my concentration.
4. The Car
There are two types of calls I take in the car. One is while I’m driving, and I signal to the kids with the code words “work call,” which usually gets them to hush up—90% success rate! However, the second type tends to backfire. Sitting alone in the car, I think I’m safe to return a call. Then, my son jumps in and loudly announces he has diarrhea, much to the dismay of my colleagues on the conference call. I still reassure myself that my coworkers don’t know who provided them with comedic relief for the next six months.
5. The Woods at a Playground
This might be a unique experience, but at a fifth-grade graduation picnic, I found myself unexpectedly taking a call from a potential client I had been trying to connect with for ages. I wandered down a paved path to escape the laughter of kids enjoying summer break, only to encounter a snake. Yes, it was harmless, but my fear was real. I must have squealed—a reaction that prompted the client to ask if I was alright. I cleverly blamed it on static and stood atop a bench, keeping a lookout for any snake friends that might join the party. In the end, I secured the client. Score: Me 1, Snake 0.
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In summary, juggling work calls while parenting can lead to some truly unconventional situations. From hiding in closets to wandering into the woods, the quest for a quiet spot is a comedic saga of its own.