I recognize that our world is undergoing significant transformations. I strive to maintain an open perspective, acknowledging that social media and texting are reshaping communication to be more #relaxed (#iGetIt). The rules of etiquette seem to be evolving, resulting in a social landscape that can best be described as…what’s the word? Lacking? Minimal? No, I’ve got it—CASUAL!
Generally, I appreciate a casual atmosphere:
- I enjoy casual Fridays.
- I love slipping into my favorite pair of jeans.
- Casual dining is always a win.
- I fondly recall casual dating.
There are indeed numerous advantages to a laid-back lifestyle. It allows us to skip the small talk and get to what really matters, which often means sharing fries and a bit of annoyance with one another. However, a part of me still yearns for the traditional etiquette of yesteryear, especially concerning how children interact with adults. One of my biggest gripes is hearing kids call adults by their first names. Although this practice is quite common in my community, I still find it unsettling after 12 years of parenting. It feels…off, like pairing black underwear with white pants or ordering a steak at a sushi joint.
To add to my dilemma, my name is Emma, so whenever a child addresses me as such, I can’t help but think of that catchy tune by The Ting Tings:
“They call me hell.
They call me Emma.
They call me her.
They call me Jane.
That’s not my name.
That’s not my name.
That’s not my name.”
Trust me, once that tune is stuck in your head, it’s game over for your day.
I often ponder whether I’m alone in my discomfort regarding this trend. Some parents prefer first names because “Mr.” or “Mrs.” harkens back to their own childhoods, conjuring images of Ward and June Cleaver. Being called “Emma” or “Greg” seems to make them feel youthful—like shopping at Forever 21 or sipping a fruity cocktail. While I understand that Mr./Mrs. might feel outdated, I’m not rushing to purchase a rocking chair for my porch to yell at kids who accidentally kick a ball into my yard. Thus, I face the question: What should my kids’ friends call me? Some parents opt for “Miss” or “Mr.” with their first names, but “Miss Emma” strikes me as too…sorority house circa 1985.
In an effort to find a middle ground between traditional and modern, I considered adopting a rapper name. Unfortunately, all the good ones seem taken. I toyed with a few ideas, but none felt right:
- G-Rizzle (too obvious)
- Heavy E (too on the nose)
- Icy-Heat (too supermarket aisle)
- Lil’ Emma (too cliché)
- Ice Cream (too suburban mom)
I even contemplated changing my name to a symbol, much like Prince did in the ’90s, so no one would know what to call me. Imagine it—no one referred to Prince by a name for years! While that sounds appealing, I’m unsure what my symbol would be. Perhaps a glass of wine? A pair of reading glasses? A silhouette of yoga pants?
Ultimately, being on a first-name basis should be a privilege shared among peers. There ought to be boundaries between adults and children because, let’s be real, kiddos: While I think you are delightful and enjoy your company, we are not friends. Here are a few reasons why:
- We won’t be hitting the bar together anytime soon.
- I won’t be asking you for your famous buffalo chicken dip recipe.
- We won’t be exchanging spouse stories anytime soon.
- If we were friends, I’d have to create an Instagram account and master the selfie stick, and that’s a path I’m not willing to tread.
To make things clearer, here’s a quick guide to help you decide whether you should call me by my first name:
- If you’ve had an accident in your pants in the last decade, that’s a firm no.
- If you’re sporting an outfit from Justice, also no.
- If you play travel soccer, enjoy the season, but no.
- If you consider Skittles a legitimate food group, definitely no.
- If you can quote more than ten lines from a Minion movie, um, nope.
- If you still order off the kids’ menu, pick no.
- If your Disney ticket was half price, it’s a magical no.
- If you’re wearing light-up sneakers, heck no.
- If you’re eagerly waiting for Santa, ho ho no.
Thanks for reading,
(The mom formerly known as Emma)
P.S. Please don’t take offense. I’m not even on a first-name basis with my gynecologist, and we’ve had quite a bit of intimate time together (and by intimate, I mean awkward and uncomfortable). If you’re looking for more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. For some great tips on boosting fertility, visit this blog post, and for more on the pregnancy journey, see this authoritative site.
Summary: This article humorously explores the discomfort many adults feel about being addressed by their first names by children. The author, Emma, reflects on the importance of maintaining boundaries between adults and kids, while also sharing her struggle to find a suitable alternative name that feels appropriate.