- Insist on Cheerios for breakfast, rejecting all other options. Enjoy them dry on Mondays, Thursdays, and alternate Fridays.
- If your request is denied, express your discontent vocally.
- Avoid any new foods at all costs.
- Just because you enjoyed something yesterday doesn’t mean you have to today. Changing your mind is completely acceptable without any need for explanation.
- Show distrust towards anything that was once alive. Stick to orange, lifeless foods for safety.
- Request a plethora of items at the grocery store, then either A. Act as if you have no memory of them at home, or B. Wait until they’re cooked to declare a dislike.
- Spend time memorizing brand names to justify rejecting cheaper alternatives.
- Any cooking time longer than 30 seconds is intolerable.
- Inquire every 10 seconds about meal readiness. If it takes too long, protest loudly and dramatically.
- This may result in meals served half-frozen, but that’s fine—you weren’t going to eat it anyway.
- Enforce a strict no-eating rule on Wednesday afternoons, just because.
- Request a spoon, knife, and two forks for every meal, only to eat with your hands.
- Insist on using one specific plate, and throw a tantrum if it’s dirty.
- Discard as much food as possible onto the floor. After all, they say they spend their whole life cleaning it—help them out!
- Sweet potato chips are a personal affront.
- Steer clear of anything with sauce, as it may contain blended vegetables.
- Refuse to drink water. They’ll say, “You’ll drink it when you’re thirsty.” Just don’t—and enjoy the fun of a hospital visit for dehydration.
- Always announce that you’re hungry while in the bath.
- Train your internal clock to wake up for midnight snacks, particularly bananas.
- Casseroles, stews, and pies are inherently suspicious.
- Sweet potato chips are offensive—again.
- Kick anyone who refers to broccoli as “little trees” in the shins; it’s patronizing and frankly disgusting.
- Avocado? Absolutely not.
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In summary, toddlers have a unique set of rules when it comes to eating that often defy logic. Their preferences are fickle, they display a strong sense of entitlement over their food choices, and they’re not afraid to protest loudly when things don’t go their way. Understanding these quirky guidelines can help parents navigate mealtime challenges.