Parenting often strikes a balance between intuition and restraint. When my child stumbles, has a disagreement, or faces a challenge, my instinct is to jump in and remedy the situation immediately. I might want to scoop him off the floor, mediate with his friend, or reconstruct a toppled tower. However, while the concept of “helicopter parenting” is widely criticized, I remind myself that my role isn’t to make my children’s lives devoid of difficulties—and that doing so could actually hinder their growth. Here are seven challenges I’m stepping back from to let my kids navigate on their own:
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Boredom
Boredom seems to have become a relic of the past in children’s lives. With endless extracurricular activities, piles of homework, and countless entertainment choices, kids seldom experience this feeling. Yet, boredom can be a catalyst for creativity and exploration. My new response to “I’m bored” is simply, “It’s alright to be bored.” -
Frustration
Both my partner and I have a low tolerance for frustration, but we handle it differently. While I tend to dig in and become increasingly upset, he prefers to take a step back and reapproach the issue later. This strategy has been enlightening for me. When my child is frustrated because his Lego creation collapses, I encourage him to take a break and return when he’s ready. This often leads to a calmer, more effective solution. -
Dislike for Their Meal
We adhere to Ellyn Satter’s approach to feeding children, which means I sometimes prepare meals I enjoy, not just those I know my kids like. If they turn their noses up at the main dish, that’s okay; there’s always something on the table they can eat. It’s crucial for them to understand that everyone, including me, sometimes gets their preferred meals. -
Experiencing Failure
As Jessica Lahey points out, a fear of failure can prevent kids from taking academic risks. Encountering failure teaches problem-solving and resilience. If my kids are heading towards a mistake, whether it’s an incorrect solution or a precarious bridge, I recognize this is part of their learning process. I won’t intervene to prevent their failure; they need these experiences to grow. -
Running Out of Money
I appreciate the insights of financial expert Ron Fisher, who suggests that children should learn financial responsibility by managing their own budgets. If my child decides to spend his entire clothing budget on one pricey item, that’s a valuable lesson. It’s better for him to make mistakes now, under my guidance, rather than later when the stakes are higher. -
Conflicts with Friends
I often feel the urge to step in during my kids’ disputes with their friends. However, I’ve developed a theory about the importance of conflict resolution: children need to learn to navigate disagreements themselves to understand personal boundaries. If I intervene, I might inhibit their ability to develop social skills. -
Homework Struggles
I’ve been following the discussions around the “homework wars” and understand the toll excessive assignments can take on family time and rest. While I’m available to assist with specific questions, I won’t be sitting beside them for hours on end. I’ll set a timer for homework and whatever isn’t completed, simply isn’t. Kids deserve downtime after a long day at school.
I would love to swoop in and shield my children from every challenge, but they must learn independence and confront obstacles head-on. Otherwise, they might face more significant issues later, which they’ll need to handle alone.
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