You begged to take a walk to the ice cream shop with your younger sibling in the quaint beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m 12 now, Mom,” you insisted, “almost 13. Please let me go?” After some back and forth, your father and I decided to let you experience a bit of freedom, even if it was just a short distance from where we were seated. We agreed to allow you to grab ice cream, dip your toes in the sand, and return home.
You received clear guidelines and a designated return time. You assured us that you understood our expectations. As we watched you and your sister stroll away, we exchanged glances, marveling at how quickly the time had come for us to let go.
However, when the promised return time came, you were nowhere to be found. Not only were you late, but you were incredibly late. So late, in fact, that we had to venture to the beach to find you. When we finally did locate you, the excuses flowed, accompanied by eye rolls.
Even worse, you failed to offer any genuine apology. Somehow, it felt like the burden of your tardiness lay on us. “It was only five minutes, ten at most! What’s the big deal?” you countered, complete with that signature eye roll.
We discussed trust, responsibility, and the importance of managing your time when faced with deadlines or curfews. We reminded you that in the not-so-distant future, you would enjoy more freedoms, but those would require demonstrated maturity and respect for our guidelines.
Yet, you stood your ground. “I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here,” you declared with the certainty of a typical 12-year-old. It was a rookie mistake, and I was both astounded and impressed by your unwavering stance, which took me back to your stubborn toddler years. That night, you went to bed refusing to acknowledge any fault, reminiscent of the nights when you faced early bedtimes for toddler defiance.
The clash of wills continued into the next morning. You sat at the kitchen table, staring gloomily at your cereal, radiating tween angst. I sipped my coffee, wondering how I had raised a child who struggled to apologize, one who resisted admitting mistakes. Where had I faltered?
Then it dawned on me: I hadn’t effectively taught you how to say “I’m sorry.” At least, not in a way that resonates with tweens. In your early years, I guided you to repeat phrases you barely understood when you were unkind or broke rules. We implemented time-outs and early bedtimes for misbehavior, emphasizing actions over words, as that’s what toddlers comprehend.
But you’re not little anymore, my child. We are stepping into a new phase, filled with hormones, confusion, and desire for independence. Your body is changing, your opinions are forming, and the freedom you crave can feel daunting and exhilarating in small doses. This journey is just as perplexing for me, and it feels like we are back at square one, just like when you were a toddler.
As I reminisce about your obstinate little self, I realize how far we’ve come. The time-outs eventually made an impact over time. Yet, as I look at your now-chiseled face, I recognize it’s time to start teaching you again. It’s time to guide you through this next chapter of childhood.
I will help you learn how to navigate tween life. I will be firm and consistent. You will challenge me, but I will respond with equal strength. I will ensure you understand that true apologies for wrongdoing are essential—not just irritated mumblings, but sincere gestures. You will learn to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. How can I make it right?” in a genuine manner, practicing this in our home to avoid awkward situations in the real world.
For now, though, as your hazel eyes meet mine and you sheepishly say that you’re sorry and it won’t happen again, I’ll accept that. We have work ahead of us, my dear, but for now, I’ll simply respond, “I understand,” and prepare for the next challenge.
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Summary
Parenting through the tween years presents unique challenges, especially when it comes to teaching responsibility and the value of apologies. As children grow, the need for guidance in navigating these new emotions and freedoms becomes crucial. A consistent approach, understanding, and patience are key to helping them learn how to express remorse sincerely while preparing for the future.