Hey there! Your father just called to let me know that you mentioned I forgot to teach you how to do laundry. While you might see this as a parental oversight, let me assure you it was quite intentional. For the past 18 years, I’ve taken care of your laundry so you could focus on more important endeavors, like studying, building your resume, and yes, leveling up in that Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app. But now that you’re heading off to the dorms tomorrow, it’s time to equip you with some essential laundry skills. Here’s a straightforward guide:
- Check the Labels: Look at the tags of any pricey or delicate items to see if they require dry-cleaning. If they do, set them aside. Actually, on second thought, let’s be real—who can afford dry cleaning? Why did we even buy that? Let’s donate it and take the tax write-off; we need every bit of cash for your education!
- Separate Your Laundry: Sort your clothes by color. Group your blues, blacks, and purples into a dark pile and reds, oranges, and pinks into another. And don’t forget your whites! If you decide to mix your reds with whites, prepare for a wardrobe reminiscent of your toddler years—hello, ALL PINK outfit!
- Washing Time: Excited yet? Start by tossing your darks into the washing machine. Set the water temperature to cold and choose a wash cycle—permanent press, or pick any number of minutes that feels right. Pour in a capful of detergent (or less, since you probably won’t be sweating much). Finally, turn on the machine by pulling a knob or pushing a button—easy, right?
- Drying Your Clothes: Once the wash cycle is complete, it’s time to sort again. Remove any delicate items that could shrink, like those trendy short shorts. Hang these up in your room on hooks, closet doors, or even your bed frame—but be mindful of your roommates. Three of you in that tiny space? It’ll be an adventure! Just remember to keep communal areas tidy and avoid leaving food scraps around, as that can attract pests. Also, if your roommates are being a bit much, like bringing home guests every night, don’t just bury your head under a pillow—speak up!
- Repeat for Reds: Now it’s time to do the red load. Just follow the same steps as before. If you find yourself with a shortage of machines and your reds are looking a bit worn, you can toss them in with the darks. Speaking of laundry, don’t forget you’re a paying customer at that school. Advocate for yourself if class options are lacking; you don’t want to be stuck taking “Finnish Folk Art and Technology.” That could lead to an extended college experience we simply can’t afford. Building relationships with professors is key—don’t shy away from being friendly!
- Washing Whites: For whites, set the temperature to hot and repeat the previous steps. Add half a cup of bleach in the designated spot. Just like hot water, remember your first priority is to get a good education. Balance studying with socializing, but keep your priorities straight. Moderation is essential—don’t be the wildest person at every party. Stay away from trendy drugs with cute names; stick to the classics.
- Drying: Finally, dry any items that can go in the dryer. Set it to medium or low heat; avoid high heat unless you want to experience the dreaded Freshman 15 right away.
Also, remember to wash your towels every few days and your sheets at least once a week (but don’t let it go longer than that, please!). Maybe grab some dryer sheets, always use protection, and as countless adults will tell you: have an amazing time! You’ll look back on these days with nostalgia.
Love, Mom
Summary
This article provides a humorous yet practical guide to doing laundry for college students, highlighting essential steps to manage clothes care, roommate etiquette, and prioritizing education.