As women, we juggle countless roles, and we often wear them with grace. When my twins entered the world three years ago, I embraced the title of “mom” wholeheartedly. It’s a role I cherish deeply, and it’s a title that is hard to take off once it’s on.
For a long time, my entire existence revolved around my boys. Sure, I had friends, but most of our interactions were through screens or text messages. I often neglected to reply promptly, too engrossed in my daily routine. My existence as a stay-at-home mom was filled with activities like women’s bible study, church services, and family outings—zoo trips, science centers, libraries—every moment was spent with my children. I thrived in that environment; they were my everything.
However, when I returned to full-time work, the guilt that accompanied my absence was suffocating. It felt like I was draped in a heavy coat of anxiety, thinking that every hour spent away was a betrayal. I worried that my children would feel abandoned, especially considering their father was often away. I felt like I was handing them over to daycare, fearing they would grow resentful and emotionally scarred.
Adding to this was the financial burden of childcare, which made the situation feel even more absurd. Paying someone to care for my children while I worked felt like a betrayal of my role as a mother. I refused to go out unless my boys could join me, striving to be emotionally and physically present every second of the day. But maintaining that level of presence was exhausting.
As time passed, I found myself becoming resentful and irritable. I wasn’t the mother I aspired to be after a long day at work, and that negativity began to seep into my relationship with my kids. Luckily, as my twins grew older, I started to recognize the necessity of carving out time for myself—time beyond just being “mom.”
People often advised me to prioritize “me time,” but it always seemed impractical and, frankly, unfair. Yet, I’ve come to understand that it’s essential for all parents—whether stay-at-home, single, married, or working full-time. Parents need time away from their children to recharge. We devote so much to our kids without taking time to replenish ourselves.
Think of it like a bank account: if we only make withdrawals without deposits, we’ll eventually hit zero balance or worse, find ourselves in the red.
“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop,” they say, and I realized that we need to nurture our own interests and well-being. Before we became parents, we were individuals with our own lives—friends, hobbies, adult conversations, and maybe even a night out now and then. Those experiences shaped who we are.
As much as I adore spending time with my boys, I’ve found that I am a better mother when I take time for myself. “Mom” is indeed the most rewarding title I hold, but I am also Ella, and it took me years to reconnect with her. I lost my sense of self amid the chaos of parenting and personal challenges, but the journey of motherhood has also led me back to discovering who I am.
It’s vital to have interests outside of work and parenting. Parenthood can easily consume us, which is why many couples face difficulties after having children. If we lose our identities, how can we effectively be the parents our children need?
This journey is a reminder that while our children require our love and attention, they also benefit from seeing us as whole individuals with our own passions and pursuits.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a rewarding yet challenging journey that can lead to losing sight of one’s identity. Balancing parenting with personal needs is essential for well-being. Finding time for oneself can make parents more effective and fulfilled, ultimately benefiting their children as well.