They say turning 40 is a remarkable milestone, but I can’t fully embrace that sentiment just yet. While I observe others confidently navigating this decade, I find myself grappling with my own insecurities. I want to embody this new phase of life, but I feel unprepared, even after crossing into my 40s.
I am still on a journey to discover who I am beyond being a mother and a partner, apart from the identity I cultivated throughout my 30s. That decade of growth and self-discovery is now behind me, yet I feel its remnants still linger. My 40s are meant to shape the woman I am destined to become, but I often resist this new reality as days swiftly pass me by.
Catching glimpses of 40 in the mirror surprises me daily. When did I become this person? I envy those women who have not only accepted their new age but have genuinely come to cherish it. I feel like I’m lagging behind, striving to catch up, and I’m exhausted.
Clichés like “40 is the new 30” or “Age is just a number” don’t resonate with me. While they hold some truth, I find them tiresome. We are more than a collection of worn-out sayings; I know I am more.
I want to embrace my grays, which have become a symbol of style and rebellion against outdated stereotypes. Young women today dye their hair gray to make a statement, yet I struggle to find beauty in my own silver strands. Why can’t I see it?
It’s essential for me to accept the evolving shape of my body—a body that has nurtured and sustained life. Though I once wore it with confidence, I now grapple with its changes. My body carries the marks of my journey, from stretch marks to the softening of my abdomen. Why can’t I celebrate it?
I want to reflect on my past with warmth and appreciation, recognizing how it has brought me to this point in my life. As I look toward the next decade, I aspire to do so with an open heart, for this is my moment. While I may not feel old, I am wise enough to understand how fleeting time is. With my childbearing years behind me and my forever home established, I am eager to build upon the life I’ve created with my family. So why do I still feel restless?
I need to cultivate gratitude for how far I’ve come. My legs are strong, allowing me to run through the familiar streets of my beloved neighborhood. My heart beats steadily, my lungs function well, and my mind is filled with valuable experiences. I’ve navigated triumphs and setbacks, yet I am still here. I am fortunate every single day. Why isn’t that enough?
For me, turning 40 feels challenging. It’s a world I’m still deciphering, one that many before me have assured me is filled with acceptance and peace. Yet I find myself trudging through the remnants of a past I haven’t fully released. Perhaps my past deserves a place alongside my present.
What I know is that I’m making progress, but I need a little more time. To those who have embraced their 40s, please don’t judge me for taking a moment—whether it’s a day or a month—to find my rhythm. This isn’t a race, but a personal journey. I’ll catch up soon…