I began to embrace my identity as an introvert in my mid-30s. Prior to that, I had always accepted the various labels my family and friends used to define me: Shy. Reserved. Grumpy.
For years, I struggled to keep pace with my extroverted spouse and our predominantly outgoing social circle. I endured what felt like endless nights of salsa dancing in crowded, smoky clubs and found myself in tears at 2 a.m. while my guests continued to refill their wine glasses. Completely drained and overwhelmed, I have even dozed off in dark jazz lounges, dessert bars, and at one point, in the back of a limousine during an all-night anniversary celebration.
Realizing that my experiences were tied to my inherent personality traits was a huge relief; I learned that I wasn’t merely a negative presence at gatherings!
As an introvert, my greatest challenge lies in having to remain “on” for long stretches. I require mental preparation for any social event. Once I understand the “who, what, where, when, and why” of the gathering, I can finally relax and enjoy myself. However, social etiquette often prevents us from asking certain questions, which can make being an introvert particularly challenging.
Here are a few inquiries introverts would love to make if only it were socially acceptable:
When can I leave?
(Or: What time does this end? How long must I stay? Can I take my own car?)
Every introvert has that one friend—mine is my partner, Alex—who always pours one last drink just as you’re trying to say your goodbyes. This friend then sips that drink for what feels like an eternity, while you shoot daggers at them with your eyes. Additionally, there’s that other acquaintance who guilts you into staying a “few” minutes longer. I find it hard to enjoy most parties when I’m constantly worrying about these scenarios. If I know the end time in advance and can stick to it, I might even be the one suggesting we extend our stay! While I appreciate offers for overnight accommodations after a late night, I would prefer to drive home at midnight, even in a storm, rather than sleepover at someone’s place.
Who will be attending?
(Alternatively: Can it just be the two of us?)
One of an introvert’s biggest annoyances is meeting a friend for lunch only to find out they brought along an unexpected guest. I once distanced myself from a budding friendship because every time we tried to hang out, it turned into a crowded gathering. Specificity in invitations is key. If you’re asking me over for dinner, I’ll assume it’s a one-on-one affair. If it’s a dinner party, please make that clear. The emotional preparation for these two situations is vastly different for an introvert.
Will you make sure I’m not left alone?
(A.K.A: You won’t just introduce me to your boss’s spouse and vanish, right?)
Small talk is the bane of introverts! I’ve pretended to have phone conversations while taking out the trash just to avoid awkward chats with my neighbors. When I struggle to find the right words, I often end up oversharing, which can make things uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Can you text me instead?
(Or: Why? Why? Why!?)
Introverts need to be in the right mindset before diving into lengthy phone calls, and those who call often want to chat endlessly. If I don’t pick up, please don’t text, “Please call me.” Instead, send me a brief summary of what you need to discuss so I can gauge if it’s a good time for that conversation. I take serious discussions to heart and want to provide good advice; venting to me when I’m occupied with a carful of kids or on a date with my partner isn’t productive for either of us. I promise to return your call when I can devote my full attention and offer thoughtful insights. If your needs are simple, remember that it takes the same energy to type “Please call me” as it does to ask, “What’s Jen’s number?”—you’re likely to get a much faster response that way.
If you’re not an introvert, these questions might seem trivial. However, anyone who identifies as an introvert or loves one can understand exactly where I’m coming from. As a T-shirt I recently spotted put it: “Introverts Unite: We’re here, we’re uncomfortable, and we want to go home.” For more insights, check out our other blog post on home insemination kits.
In summary, understanding the intricacies of introverted minds can foster deeper connections and ease social anxieties. For more information on fertility treatments, visit Navigating the Costs of Fertility Treatment, and for additional resources, this guide on pregnancy and home insemination is an excellent choice.