This morning, before my partner, Jake, headed off to work, he wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into him, feeling the weight of exhaustion despite the day just beginning, and expressed my longing for his presence at home more often.
I consciously try to refrain from voicing complaints about his demanding work schedule or making sarcastic remarks about his absence; these only exacerbate an already tough situation. If I let myself spiral into negativity, it leads to nothing but self-pity and resentment, which ultimately doesn’t benefit anyone. Jake doesn’t choose to work 60-70 hours a week; he’s simply trying to provide for our family, just as I am. Yet, I won’t deny that it’s incredibly challenging. Some mornings, I want to scream, “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THESE KIDS!” while sipping my coffee.
I often feel drained, inadequate, and ill-prepared. I run out of ideas for meals and discipline strategies, and I find myself losing patience more often than I’d like to admit. My fatigue leads me to question whether I’m the kind of mother my children truly need and deserve.
Living within a tight budget means we often can’t afford a babysitter, or even necessities like bread sometimes. We just keep forging ahead. There are days when I wish I had pursued a higher-paying career instead of my degree in Communications. There are moments when I wish Jake came from wealth. But we both know that’s not the case; we met while working at a grocery store, far from any trust fund. Neither of us envisioned a grand future; we simply fell in love when we least expected it.
Some say marriage is a matter of luck. While I’m unsure about what truly brought us together, this morning, I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to face the challenges of motherhood alone. Some days, like today, feel like an uphill battle.
The rest of my morning was spent feeling overwhelmed by my rowdy children. I counted the hours until bedtime and repeatedly reassured myself that I could make it through not only today, but the days to follow. And then, blessedly, it was nap time.
As I tucked my younger two into bed, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror—I definitely needed a shower. I went into my oldest son’s room to tuck him in with the Kindle, and when he mumbled something, I asked him to repeat it.
With a serious expression, he said, “You make me have a good life.”
Tears welled in my eyes as I replied, “You make ME have a good life.” Because he truly does.
My partner and my children are the essence of my existence. I don’t just survive; I truly LIVE because of them. My days may feel long and solitary, but that heartfelt moment reminded me that the love and energy I invest in my family are not in vain. It’s enriching their lives.
So perhaps today isn’t so unbearable after all.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection on the struggles of parenting and the challenges of managing a household while feeling overwhelmed, the author shares a poignant moment with her child that reminds her of the joy and purpose that family brings. Despite the daily difficulties and financial constraints, she emphasizes the importance of love and connection in creating a fulfilling life.