Embarking on College: Transitioning Out and Moving Forward

At home insemination

This article is part of a three-part series titled “Embarking on College,” focusing on how to prepare your teens for leaving home. In June, we discussed vital conversations to have with your incoming freshman and explored what factors contribute to their success in their first year of college. In July, we tackled dorm shopping and shared practical tips for budgeting.

August is all about the logistics of moving in and embracing the changes ahead. This month is filled with a mix of emotions—pain and pride often coexist as we navigate this new chapter. The arrival of our children nearly two decades ago changed our lives profoundly, and this transition carries a similar weight. Be kind to yourself; adjusting to this change will take time.

As the move-in date approaches, the urgency can feel overwhelming. Initially, it was months until my child left, then weeks, and finally days. I told myself: You can feel the hurt now or later, but it’s going to happen regardless. During an interview, a journalist asked how I was managing the thought of my child leaving for college, and I admitted I was in denial. I knew that worrying excessively would harm both of us, especially as our family dynamic would inevitably shift. The day would come when I had to walk away from their dorm, and I chose to put off that painful thought until then.

Here are three essential steps to prepare for move-in day and the subsequent separation:

1. Organize Move-In Day
   Check the incoming freshman’s university website for the move-in schedule to see if there are any events planned for families. Attending these orientations can help you feel more connected to your child’s new environment. It’s also wise to check the dates for parents’ weekend now, particularly if your child’s school is in a busy area like New York or Chicago; booking accommodations early can save you stress later.
2. Some families prefer to arrive a day or two early to familiarize themselves with the campus, while others opt for a quicker approach. My strategy was simple: get in, help my child unpack, and leave. Lingering felt like an intrusion into their new life.
3. On move-in day, consider visiting the health center with your child to have them sign a release form allowing medical professionals to speak with you if necessary. This precaution is invaluable in case of an emergency.

2. Prepare for Your Farewell
   The moment you finish arranging their dorm room, you might feel like a mere bystander in your child’s life. After attending the university’s orientation and meeting the roommate’s parents, everything is in place, and all that’s left is to say goodbye.
3. Most colleges will signal a designated time for families to depart. Ignoring this cue can lead to an awkward situation. Your child will likely be focused on their new friends and activities. While some parents may wish to have a final meal with their freshman, the best approach is to say goodbye quickly, akin to removing a Band-Aid. Colleges understand that if they don’t establish a goodbye moment, parents may linger longer than intended.
4. While many parents struggle with tears on the way home, it’s best to keep your emotions in check while still on campus. Your child is navigating a wave of emotions, and they don’t need to worry about you as well.
5. Marshall P. Duke, a psychology professor at Emory University, emphasizes the importance of this moment, noting its rarity and significance. He advises parents to take this opportunity to share meaningful thoughts with their children—life lessons and heartfelt advice that will resonate as they embark on this new journey.
6. So, plan the move-in day meticulously, embrace the university’s farewell moment, leave a letter with your cherished words for your child to reflect on, and then step away.

3. Establish Communication Plans
   To stay updated on your child’s campus life, consider reading the university’s daily newspaper online or subscribing to their parent newsletters. Bookmark the parent page on the school’s website for important dates like parents’ weekend and breaks. Parent associations can provide insights into campus life without feeling intrusive.
4. While traditional advice suggests giving your child space, it might be beneficial to check in more frequently at first. Freshmen often experience homesickness or feelings of isolation, and a few quick texts or calls can reassure them that they are not alone.
5. Both you and your child are learning how to communicate in this new phase, and it may take time to find the right balance. As mental health challenges on campuses are rising, maintaining a close connection can help you recognize any changes in your teen’s demeanor. Remember how, when they were young, they would run to you when they needed reassurance? College is similar—only this time, they are stepping away from childhood, and so are you.

Summary

Moving your child to college is a significant transition filled with mixed emotions. From planning move-in day to preparing for farewells and establishing communication, it’s essential to approach this experience thoughtfully. Remember to cherish this unique moment and provide meaningful support as your child embarks on their new journey.