I recently found myself scrutinizing another mother’s parenting choices, and I know I shouldn’t be. But honestly, take a look at this mom I’ve been judging…
She didn’t give birth to her children naturally, and she weaned them off breastfeeding quite early. To top it off, she feeds her toddlers donuts as a pre-nap snack. Donuts! She also lets them sip apple juice right before bedtime. When her son spilled her coffee, she yelled at him, and she still hands her one-year-old a bottle. As for her three-year-old? Still in diapers.
This week, I witnessed her kids running away from her outside multiple times while she chased after them, spilling the contents of her purse and tripping over the ends of her ever-present yoga pants. She doesn’t shower daily and once hid in the kitchen munching on peanut butter M&Ms while her one-year-old threw a fit. She allows her kids to cry it out sometimes, but then inconsistently intervenes. Couldn’t she just pick a method and stick with it?
In nearly every photo she shares on social media, her kids are running around without clothes. She keeps them contained in a Super Play Yard, which feels like baby jail. I even saw her kids scatter Cheerios across the floor and then eat them off the ground! She isn’t shy about bribing her kids with cookies in public. Once, she dozed off on the couch while her children sat in front of the TV, essentially in baby jail, snacking on Cheerios.
During grocery shopping, her son wouldn’t stop standing up in the cart, while her other son attempted to open a bottle of shampoo—probably eager to drink it. At every meal, her eldest cries about food—unless it’s donuts, of course. She consumes Diet Coke daily, and her apartment is often cluttered, adorned solely with random DIY art that doesn’t match her furniture.
She keeps saying she’ll start exercising or go on a diet, but I see no change in her physique. Her wardrobe is basic, and she desperately needs a haircut. On top of that, her family is perpetually late to everything. Her one-year-old sometimes wakes up at night, taking ages to fall back asleep. She craves alone time and occasionally wishes for a few days without her kids. Why does she need a break? She’s a Stay-At-Home Mom, lounging in yoga pants all day. Isn’t her life a perpetual vacation?
That mom I’ve been critiquing sounds pretty terrible, doesn’t she? Well, that mom is actually ME.
Lately, I’ve been so consumed by what others think of me and my parenting that I’ve started to isolate myself. I avoid outings with my kids, fearing tantrums or my own meltdown. I keep many of my parenting choices under wraps, anticipating disapproval or unsolicited advice. I won’t even let my husband post pictures on social media if the background isn’t immaculate or if my youngest is seen with a bottle. This obsession over others’ perceptions has stolen my joy.
My new mantra is: WHO CARES? The only reason people judge others’ parenting is to feel better about their own imperfections. Sometimes, when people offer advice, it genuinely comes from a place of care and concern. I might not agree with their suggestions, but I can listen without getting defensive.
I might not be perfect, but I know I’m a GOOD mom. So from now on, let the critics analyze my parenting choices—I’ve even provided them with this list to help!
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In summary, we often judge others to mask our insecurities. Embrace your journey as a parent, flaws and all; you’re doing better than you think!