“You’ll regret it. You’ll feel the weight of that decision for life,” my mother said with conviction, shaking her head as she walked away. This was her response after I proudly revealed my first tattoo, a vibrant orange, yellow, and red butterfly resting on my sun-kissed right shoulder, which I got after an adventurous solo trip through Europe at 22.
“What will you do when you enter the professional world?” my mother called to me from the kitchen.
“I’m never going to be a professional!” I shouted back, dropping my heavy backpack and slipping off my Birkenstocks.
In hindsight, my mother had a point about my career, as I did end up becoming a lawyer for several years. However, that cheerful butterfly never hindered my professional life; instead, it serves as a lasting symbol of an incredibly formative time. It represents a part of me that I cherish—the adventurous, free-spirited soul who journeyed alone from one country to another, guided by her instincts.
Those months were transformative. I discovered the joy of solitude while climbing the Belfry in Bruges, indulging in shellfish in Bergen, and inhaling the fragrance of tulips in Amsterdam—where I got the butterfly tattoo while sober (at least for that hour!). I fondly remember those days backpacking through Europe at 22. This version of me is one I want to keep alive, encapsulated in the form of a small winged creature on my shoulder. Though it’s a bit faded now, it still retains its vibrancy, greeting me each morning as I towel off after my shower.
“Hello, adventurous self,” I whisper to that tattoo as I navigate through life at 44. “Let’s embrace today, shall we?” Hence, I have never regretted that tattoo.
My second tattoo came just a week before my wedding at age 30. My husband and I exchanged tattoos as wedding gifts, much to my mother’s dismay. We tied the knot two months after 9/11, a time filled with emotion that influenced our wedding planning and tattoo choices. I opted for another butterfly, this time adorned with red, white, and blue—symbolizing our nation. It sits on my left hip (and yes, it hurt!).
There are many cautionary tales about tattoos representing relationships, given their permanence compared to the often fleeting nature of romance. Unfortunately, my marriage ended after ten years. Yet, I have never regretted that tattoo. I view it not with sadness, but as a reminder of the good that came from that chapter of my life. My ex-husband and I remain friends, co-parenting our wonderful 9-year-old son; he continues to support my new journey, and I respect him immensely. While my marriage may have ended, the positive aspects, like our son and our friendship, remain, and the tattoo serves as a reminder of those cherished moments.
Additionally, my second tattoo reflects the unity and resilience our nation showed during a challenging time. After 9/11, I felt immense pride in being an American, and I wanted that feeling to endure. Ironically, my first tattoo represents my pride in exploring foreign lands, while my second signifies my honor in being a citizen of my own country. Now, at 44, I happily bear both tattoos, and thankfully, they’re still vibrant and wrinkle-free.
While many, including my mother, have reservations about tattoos due to their permanence, that’s precisely why I appreciate mine. In a world where so much is transient, my butterflies are a constant presence. I may not know where my photo albums from my travels or my wedding have ended up, nor can I predict if I’ll travel back to Europe or marry again. But I can assure you, my butterflies will never fly away.
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In summary, my tattoos are more than mere ink; they encapsulate significant moments in my life that I embrace, reminding me of my adventures, relationships, and the resilience of my spirit.