In my teenage years, I was a brand snob, convinced that if it wasn’t from a trendy store, it was beneath me. I sported mall hairstyles, Keds sneakers, and tight-rolled jeans while obsessing over my image. Fast forward to today, and I cringe at the thought of splurging more than $20 on jeans.
Recently, my family found ourselves in need of a new vehicle. For the longest time, I resisted the idea of a minivan, clinging to the belief that a midsize SUV was sufficient for our family of four. However, after test driving one “just for fun,” I was pleasantly surprised. The spaciousness! The array of dashboard features! It even gave me the unwritten permission to drive slower. Safety first! While we might not be the most stylish family on the block, our comfort and happiness in that minivan are what truly matter.
Another major realization this year has been acknowledging my value as a mother. For a significant period, I felt undervalued, but now that my children are growing, I see the good qualities in them that I know I’ve instilled. Yes, there are challenges, but the positive traits shine through.
This year, I also embraced the joys of motherhood in a way I never did before. I donned my swimsuit and jumped into the water with my kids, shedding my self-consciousness about my body. Instead of sitting on the sidelines, I’ve chosen to relish these moments with them, even if it means wearing a less-than-flattering swimsuit. The kids want to play, and I don’t want to miss out.
Furthermore, I stopped letting fear dictate my actions or my concern for others’ opinions. For too long, I put on a brave face while being terrified of forming meaningful relationships. Life is too short to dwell on that. Embracing who I am and my beliefs has brought immense peace. I cherish my opinions while respecting others, paving the way for a more harmonious existence.
I also rekindled my dreams. For years, I believed that settling down meant sacrificing my aspirations. But after stepping away from a job I enjoyed to focus on my family, I began to wonder about my passions. My interest in creative writing from high school resurfaced, and I realized there was still room for it in my life.
Taking time to rediscover my talents led me to start a blog, which has been a source of joy. Despite my initial fears of failure or success, I began writing for myself again, finding it exhilarating. Whether anyone else reads it or not, it has provided a refreshing outlet.
Eventually, I decided to pursue my passion more seriously. I questioned whether I could turn this into a source of income. Despite my lack of confidence, I immersed myself in the world of freelance writing, pitching ideas to various clients. The response was encouraging, and I found my voice resonating with readers. I won’t look back; I’ll continue to write for the sheer joy it brings me.
This year, I also shifted my focus from competition to encouragement. The futility of comparing myself to others became clear. We’re all on unique journeys, and those of us in our 40s have a wealth of knowledge to share. Instead of feeling threatened, I choose to uplift others. True greatness lies in helping others along their path.
One of the most profound realizations I had was the secret to a fulfilling life: shifting my focus away from myself. It’s easy to get mired in personal woes, but I discovered that helping others diminishes my own problems. Volunteering at a local shelter provided me with invaluable perspective. By choosing to build others up, I found a deep sense of fulfillment.
Lastly, I opened my heart to forming connections once again. For years, I built walls around myself to protect from hurt, leading to loneliness. However, I’ve learned that the goodness in people outweighs the bad, and I’m ready to engage with the world again.
So here I am at 40, letting go of superficial concerns about clothing and hairstyles. It’s just me now, and I can confidently say this has been the best year of my life. If you happen to see a gold minivan with tinted windows driving around—probably a bit lost—feel free to say hello.
This article was originally published on July 26, 2015.