One of the realities of adult life that often goes unaddressed is the necessity of having a solid friend group before you venture out into the world. Once you graduate from school, you quickly discover that the safety nets of group projects and arranged social events vanish. While you may forge connections with colleagues at work, these relationships rarely evolve into what I refer to as “take-home friends”—those individuals with whom you share your life beyond the confines of professional obligations, evaluations, and performance improvement discussions.
Four years ago, I made a significant life change, leaving a secure corporate position filled with numerous work acquaintances and a couple of close friends. Relocating two hours away meant starting from scratch, without the structured social interactions of an office. I enrolled in a low-residency MFA program in creative writing, where most of my work was online, save for two 10-day residencies each year. Although I was meeting people through the program, many lived far away, which made forming local friendships challenging.
So, how does a single adult, far removed from familiar surroundings and family, go about making friends? Without kids or a conventional job, I found myself outside the typical avenues for socializing. Writing is not inherently a group activity, and spending hours at a computer or chatting with my dog doesn’t really facilitate connections. While I wasn’t particularly unhappy, my online relationships maintained by my writing had become my social lifeline.
Unexpectedly, everything shifted when I took a training course to become a guide at a nearby historic house museum. My fellow trainees were a vibrant mix of individuals from various backgrounds and stages in life. There were parents, single professionals, and people with fascinating careers—like real estate agents and landscape architects. We spent countless hours studying, shadowing established guides, and navigating the wealth of information necessary to impress our future guests.
As we faced this intellectual challenge together, a sense of camaraderie blossomed. We established a group email thread where we shared resources and ideas, and in the process, we formed genuine friendships. After our final training session, we gathered at the home of one of the real estate agents for dinner. There, we laughed, shared stories, and connected on a personal level, free from the pressures of competition that often accompany work relationships.
“I can truly be myself with you all,” I expressed, realizing that my comfort stemmed from not viewing them as potential rivals. As the frequent flyer among us pointed out, the absence of competitive tension allowed for openness and authenticity. Unlike work environments where promotions and accolades are at stake, our interactions were rooted in mutual respect and support.
Over the years, I’ve grown more comfortable with myself, shedding the worry about how others perceive me. Being an only child who often worked from home has helped me embrace solitude, fostering a confidence that allowed me to welcome new friendships. This newfound ease enabled me to appreciate my friends for their unique qualities, forging bonds based on honesty and shared experiences.
This journey of adult friendships is a testament to the fact that making lasting connections as an adult is possible, especially when approached with openness and sincerity. As I reflect on my experiences, I remain hopeful that these friendships will continue to flourish and enrich our lives for years to come. After all, isn’t that what advanced adulting is all about?
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Summary
Making deep, meaningful friendships as an adult can be challenging yet rewarding. By approaching relationships with authenticity and removing competitive barriers, it’s possible to cultivate lasting connections. Embracing oneself and others is key to navigating adult friendships successfully.